I'm as surprised as you FastCars. The OW is androgynous, and looks like a female version of myself, bit taller. W hasn't expressed these feelings before and is confused about them. I can see she's got herself into a situation and doesn't know which way to go. Not helped by the thick fog she is in.
This isn't the first time she's said that if I push her it will make her decision easier. Last time it was when I asked her to end the A and do NC. She said that I was controlling her and she didn't agree to any transparency, in fact doubled down on her evasiveness, sleeping with her phone and changing passwords.
She's just apologized now but said she doesn't like the new me. Is that just her rebelling and I should go full steam ahead with those rules?
Married 9, Together 16 M:39, W:41, S:11, S:7 BD: 12/3/2017 In house sep: 1/7/2018 EA: March 2017 (ongoing), PA: Yes ______________________________ Attempting to defy gravity, by falling up
Normally I would say keep following Sandi's rules, and also to identify things in the marriage that she may have not liked or were problems and then do 180's on those. A WAS will often be angry that the LBS is changing and hence the anger about the new you.
I think the apology is good, and a positive step.
However, if your W is with an OW, I think there are other deeper issues beyond unhappiness with the marriage. This tells me she is confused about her gender or sexual orientation, which has nothing to do with the marriage.
I'm currently reading the DB book, on the do what works section (chapter 4). Makes a lot of sense.
To add to my reasons of leaning toward MLC, W was very close to her mum, who brought her up as a single parent. She passed away 5 years ago, followed by her estranged father a year later. She is still grieving and has said how alone she feels. I have tried my best to support her during this time.
In our chats about these feelings, she has said she doesn't want to be labelled as lesbian or bisexual. She said she has had a void for some time and that the OW fills those needs emotionally.
Yesterday she did text that she was having a hard time and that she doesn't need to be rushed by me or (OW).
This is positive is some ways as I believe the A is on fragile ground. I just need to do the right thing in order for her to come back to me. That might be wishful thinking though.
The roller coaster rolls on!
Married 9, Together 16 M:39, W:41, S:11, S:7 BD: 12/3/2017 In house sep: 1/7/2018 EA: March 2017 (ongoing), PA: Yes ______________________________ Attempting to defy gravity, by falling up
I'm currently reading the DB book, on the do what works section (chapter 4). Makes a lot of sense.
To add to my reasons of leaning toward MLC, W was very close to her mum, who brought her up as a single parent. She passed away 5 years ago, followed by her estranged father a year later. She is still grieving and has said how alone she feels. I have tried my best to support her during this time.
In our chats about these feelings, she has said she doesn't want to be labelled as lesbian or bisexual. She said she has had a void for some time and that the OW fills those needs emotionally.
Yesterday she did text that she was having a hard time and that she doesn't need to be rushed by me or (OW).
This is positive is some ways as I believe the A is on fragile ground. I just need to do the right thing in order for her to come back to me.
My suggestion right this minute until you finish reading DB - DO NOTHING
I appreciate that Cadet. I'm looking forward to learning something from the next few chapters.
Married 9, Together 16 M:39, W:41, S:11, S:7 BD: 12/3/2017 In house sep: 1/7/2018 EA: March 2017 (ongoing), PA: Yes ______________________________ Attempting to defy gravity, by falling up
We had a calm(er) chat tonight that she initiated. It was difficult to remain so when she was asking to meet with OW. I really don't know what to do here, if I refuse, I'd be controlling her. If I let her, I'd be condoning it. Rock and hard place.
Any suggestions?
Married 9, Together 16 M:39, W:41, S:11, S:7 BD: 12/3/2017 In house sep: 1/7/2018 EA: March 2017 (ongoing), PA: Yes ______________________________ Attempting to defy gravity, by falling up
Looks like we're on the same page, was just thinking I have to let her go. How should that manifest itself when she's asking to go? Should I try to be indifferent?
Married 9, Together 16 M:39, W:41, S:11, S:7 BD: 12/3/2017 In house sep: 1/7/2018 EA: March 2017 (ongoing), PA: Yes ______________________________ Attempting to defy gravity, by falling up
Looks like we're on the same page, was just thinking I have to let her go. How should that manifest itself when she's asking to go? Should I try to be indifferent?
She is asking for your permission?
I guess I would just re-state my boundary and leave it at that.
