Lots of good happening, a few times I was feeling insecure.
H agreed to watch Michele's tapes. YAY.
Last night we had our second weekly date night, saw another movie. Went home and watched t.v. and I wrapped my legs around him. H saw my new toe ring and started exclaiming how cute it was and how cute I was and playing with me. Then we ML and he looked at me tenderly. I didn't pressure him with my eyes to kiss me, and I felt like we really connected, for the second time since I started talking openly about DBing (little bits only) and how we will get our M back on track.
Still no holding hands or kissing, but I did have a talk with him about it. Told him that he hasn't done it in so long that of course it will feel awkward. He has convinced himself that he will never feel love for me again. He nodded in agreement, and I noticed him opening himself to me a lot more. I told him a second time that I believe he loves me, it's more than just caring for me like a friend. All these things actually seem to be going against DB principles, but it seems to be working for us. You see, H has had some things set in his mind for so long (1) He's not happy (2) He doesn't know why, but doesn't feel passionate love for me anymore (3) magic is gone and we will never get it back.
By talking about it and pointing out to him the babysteps we have made, he is changing his mind a bit to seeing the possibilities. I reminded him about the basketball experiment where three groups were divided. One practiced shooting hoops, one did nothing, another just imagined shooting. At the end of the experiment, the most improved were those who envisioned the shooting of baskets. That just proves how powerful our minds really are. So, when I reminded H of one of his favorite things, mind over matter, he began to see how his belief that our M was over was a self fulfilling prophecy, and all he has to do now is believe and act differently and it will change again.
Of course, I am blessed to have a H that doesn't want to leave anymore, just doesn't really know what he wants or needs. He's more confused and hurt now than anything else.
Told me that he doesn't have feelings for OW, ever since he realized what she was really about. (Making him feel good, something he wasn't getting from me.) He's still embarrassed about having an EA and doesn't like to talk about it, but is kind and answers my questions when and if I ever have them.
I know he will love me again one day, I can feel it. Now, it's time for more patience. I have planted the seeds by telling him that he has to touch me to make it feel right again, he does love me, etc. He will read the Love book and watch the MB tapes, and then I hope his eyes will be opened even more to the possibilities.
Let's hope anyway.
Work is going through some tough times, sorry not to have posted to all my DB friends lately. Barely have time now for this update. I'll post to you all as soon as I can catch up, promise. Hope you are all doing well and making babysteps happen each day.
