I've been around since 2012. W was in MLC and doing some crazy stuff. I can say it is mostly behind us, but she is a different person -- some good changes, some that I would say are negative.
We failed at reconciliation. She was probably not fully invested in it, we didn't get outside help or counseling, and we didn't address some of the lingering issues. If there's another chance, I won't make that mistake again.
The last BD in November 2017 can be traced to unhappiness over the previous 12-24 months at least. W filed for D first week of January. We are living in the same house. W has even proposed to continue living together after D.
I have upped my GAL activities to keep busy, which does take my mind off of my MR problems. Some days I go through all the stages of grieving (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) together. Although, I imagine someone observing me might think I am firmly in denial.
I would like to stay married, but it is up to W, and I feel the likelihood is very low. If there's any hope, it is because she obviously values so much in our MR and would be willing to continue living together after BD. Others on this forum mention how the WAW can only see all the bad in the MR, and the LBS sees all the good. In these past months I can also see all the bad, which would have to change for us to stay in the MR. Otherwise, I would just be here again in a year or two.
I can say these travails have made me a better partner and person.
