WW having EA with OW Possible MLC

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Thought I'd provide an update as this last week went a bit sour.

I backslid quite badly, but could've been worse under the circumstances. The week before I had discussed with W that I was open to her being friends with OW. She was happy about this and said she respected me for it. Since then we'd had a few good chats about our future goals and she seemed a lot happier.

A couple of days later she mentioned she had messaged the OW and that they'd agreed to meet up soon. No problem from me at that point.

Thursday got a bit interesting as W had a day off and said she was going to the library all day to study. This in itself sounds entirely plausible. However, don't believe anything of what they say and half of what they do. She's late home, I put it out of my mind for now as we have an event to go to watch our son with his school. She's distant and moody.

Friday she's at university all day, I get a message before she leaves saying that she's been invited to an event by OW and would I mind if she goes and stays over. I remain calm and agree, I can't control her after all. My W has to travel 70 miles to get to the OW and the event. She keeps telling me to not worry, it's just a night out. At this point my emotions are not where they should be and I've started creating scenarios in my head about what they're up to.

Snooping is the worst thing I could've done. Especially when I found a pair of stockings and a 2nd phone in her hand bag. I also found a lingerie packaging hidden in the wardrobe. It certainly wasn't for my benefit. This obviously made me think that friendship wasn't really on her mind. Cue a sleepless night, mind working overtime.

The next day she's texts saying she enjoyed the event (vintage dancing - not something she's done before). Say's she'll be going out with the family of the OW and will be back by lunchtime.

She gets back around 4:30pm by then I'm steaming, but I try and keep a lid on it. Not the easiest thing to do. But I ask her how it went. It deteriorates rapidly as I ask about the stockings, phone and lingerie. I get an unpolite 'f$%k off' in return, she is understandably angry that I went through her stuff. She said that she didn't go for friendship and misunderstood what I said about that. She repeated that she has these feelings for the OW and needs to see her to see if it would work out. She assures me that nothing has happened. They have met on 8 occasions that I'm aware of, possibly 1 or 2 other times I don't know about. She seems to be stalling and I'm very much plan b.

They seem to have met every two weeks since the end of November, mostly on Thursday\Friday. I know we shouldn't obsess about the OP, but it's on Instagram that I've seen pictures of the two of them together or places they've been together. The OW is a narcissist, nearly every picture is of herself with some clever caption. She's blocked me (I know I should reciprocate).

We haven't really talked since (3 days now). I've made an increased effort to implement Sandi's guidelines. I haven't initiated any conversation or text. When she texts I respond with a one liner. Like yesterday she said 'I'm having a Sh%# day to be fair' to which I responded 'I'm sorry to hear that'.

I'm hopefully on the right track. The hardest thing is to keep a PMA during all this.