The devastation of this type of abuse is awful. I know this, truly I do. I left the G because of it. It is so so damaging. Every bit of it.
You may have lwgacy PTSD as the target. If your pattern is typical then relief will follow quickly as you breathe and see that you are released. Then a strange sort of memory loss occurs as if this didn't happen. That's when you will need these posts on this site, to remind you. It's called abuse amnesia, a way your brain negates trauma with dissociation. Not to be confused with detachment as it seems like it is.
WW has her ego running the show and she has shown who she is. The path to the ugly begins, recently Cherry said something amazing she said her WH was a good looking man but he was now ugly. His living conditions had deteriorated as he decompensated. That is the point you can step in for S14. This is truly awful for you all, I own this T shirt of being abused. Recovery is slow but continuously moving forward.
The worst knowledge of all for me was to know that the G behaviour was deliberate to achieve control and my sense that he had won. For a very long time I replayed everything in my mind over and over, if I had done X or Y? And I bought the G abusive view of me too, I sense you see WW at this stage as the abuser. I didn't and sadly this continues with periods of self doubt. At least once I was fooled back into R and promises of reform. It wasn't reform and the next round was worse. To start with I felt the OW9 (BIT) wasn't a target too, although now I see it different.
Kathy Krajco says abusers fear the 'knowing look' more than anything else. Being able to look straight into the eyes of the abuser and they know you can see the malevolence inside, is destructive to them. For a long time I felt that by leaving I had let the G win, I went back and finally in one grand finale he left. The G likes abuse, likes to blame as like all abusers they need to blame and abuse to avoid looking within. The karma of this is that they can not look inside themselves and reflect and grow. The beauty for the LBS is that we can. I say beauty because there is a phenomenon called post traumatic growth which for adults is a gift that will create true knowledge.
In the end it is always the LBS that lets go and you will see the ugly. As the target of abuse you are likely going to be repulsed. I wish you peace and more than that I wish you anger. Good motivating Zues style anger, that really helps.
WW denied her own son his favourite food? truly this is abuse of her own child, which is horrific. I am sad he can not be with you and S16. Also my apologies in an earlier post I confused the two young men.
You didn't say but does S14 have a father in this?
I am including this mite in my prayers, and hoping beyond hope that things will go well for you and S16.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
