Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change

[mleigh4]

First off, I want to say this board and my friends here are by far the best therapy I have had throughout the last 4 years. The way I have been able to stay calm, clear and rational throughout the last few days is amazing based on who I was 4 years ago. Newbies, you are in a great place.

Lou! So great to hear from you! Sounds like you know my H very well! Reality is hitting, and he is panicking.

HW, thanks for the clarification, I thought that may have been what you meant. Lucky for us, their waste of time becomes a gift to us! I agree, H is far from the man I married.

Cali, thank you for sharing some of the CA divorce facts. All I know, is when I had a consult with a lawyer 3 years ago, she looked at the numbers and assured me I will be just fine. I am glad you feel happy with your settlement, I have a feeling mine may be similar.

So H has become like a wild animal backed into a corner. I let him know mediation sounds like a better way for us. He took that as I got some magical info to use against him, when in fact I find it more fair, but there goes the MLC paranoid mind. He asked to talk about splitting things on our own, I explained I think we need help with that and should only discuss things with a mediator. That set him off on a tangent again....He pays rent and mortgage, doesn't live in the house, doesn't have 50% custody, threatened me with that and selling the house....blah blah blah.

He blew up my phone while I was driving to drop of S. Without reading most of, I asked him when I got there, are you Ok? What is the matter and what set you off this time? Seems someone is feeding him info to protect himself and, from what it sounds like, talking him into not letting us stay in our home. I also think reality continues to sink in. He admitted it is scary and freaking him out.

Ha! Been there done that! How many times did I look into D, learn the facts, panic and put it off? Several times. Looks like H is living that fear now. Apparently in the last 4 years H has done no research on D and is now looking it square in the face.

I have to say, it's nice to see him go through what I did. In the meantime, I have way more knowledge of what to expect. As far as our home, I highly doubt he would force S out, but if he did, I have come up with so many options in my head to still keep S in his school with his friends, which is truly my only goal with the house. I am thinking calmly, clearly and without emotions getting in the way. I have all of you to thank for that.

I think I was able to calm down H tonight. It's his turn to do some research, get some facts, lose some sleep and have an upset stomach! The sad part is he really only sees how this is effecting himself. He even took a stab at my lower position at work that I chose to have more time for my family, and now he has to pay for that. I told him the fact he thinks a bigger paycheck is more important than being available for his son disgusts me. And I mean it, he disgusts me.

H brought every one of my fears to life. He went behind my back with my friend. He dropped me in 1 day, decided to no longer be married. He cut me out of his life, like I was nobody. He turned his back on me. He forced me and my son to be together part time. He caused so much emotional damage that has most certainly scarred me for life, and he is whining about what he is losing!? He continues to not realise he made this choice, and wants to treat me like I am doing this to him!? Like you said Lou, he is not dealing with the same Mleigh.

I have a rough road ahead, but I feel ready. Especially knowing you are all here for me.

Xxoo
M