WAW on rebound, toxic inlaws, mental health issues

[trbuste]

Thanks so much for your post it really changed my mood.

With self-reflection I was referring to the first e-mail she sent on Monday which contained a bit of guilt. Because her parents have ring fenced her it is interesting that she has now reached out precisely when they are away.

The one-liner I received in return of my warm-hearted reply has triggered a lot of anger inside me. I just can't believe how anybody could be so disrespectful towards 6 years of loyal commitment. But you are right, this is the mind of a WAW we are talking about.

We are 6 months into the separation right now, I presume it will be another 6 months before any form of reflection takes place.
This is why it's good that legislation here requires 2 years of separation before D can be filed, because it may just be the time frame it takes for her to come back to reality.

[trbuste]

Throughout the past 6 months I have not felt anger towards her once. But now with this last one-liner e-mail I feel a huge amount of anger. I'm really struggling to control it.

I feel like snapping and writing back to her spelling out precisely what her parents have done and how they treated me.
But knowing that doing so will be a huge breach of LRT and I can forget about DB-ing when I do so.

[trbuste]

So for the past few weeks I've really been going hard at GAL.
I've actually been on 7 dates, booked 2 trips of which one will take me half-way around the world.

In the mean time I have realised that my wife has changed her dating profile on various apps, which means that her current "so called stable relationship" is not as stable as it seems, otherwise she wouldn't be on those apps.

I think the acknowledgement of guilt in her e-mail was step one, the anger will subside, and the grief will come when she realises what she has thrown away. It will probably take another 3 to 6 months if not longer. She still seems "certain" in her belief that she has done the right thing to walk away.

[Vanilla]

If you are going on dates then you are done.

It's clear to me that you are.

And that's ok.

V

[trbuste]

No that is not true at all and I will contest that.

None of the dates I've had were with the intention to progress into anything serious. The main purpose was for me to feel better and to see what else is out there.

I am still very much attached to my wife and my feelings towards her are unchanged compared to how they were 1 or 2 years ago, despite the way she treated me.

One of my friends has gone through a separation (and is still going through it, for 6 years!) and his W came back to him begging him to come home the moment she found out that he had a new R. I have a very strong suspicion that once a WAW finds out her H is no longer pursuing and starts attaching to OW the panic button gets struck.

Now I am not sure if I want to push it into that direction or just remain casual and do my own things.

[trbuste]

Just after I wrote my last post I got an e-mail from my W asking for an administrative document. I've gone back and send it to her without saying anything else.

PS: regarding the dating thing above, be mindful my W is dating and has been seeing people for well over 7 months now. If she does it why couldn't I do it?

[Salazar]

Toxic in-law involvement
Throughout these 12 months of the legal battle my MiL had been pressuring my W to get me to drop the case. (For reasons stills unknown to me). My W was constantly feeding back to MiL how I wasn't listening and how annoyed she was with me being unemployed and so determined to fight this. This boiled MiL's blood to very high pressure levels.

I love my MIL, but my FIL is a piece of work. He lives local enough to us that I see him occasionally, post BD and separation. About a week ago, my W invited asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her and the FIL. I know he has been pressuring her to go after me for everything that she can (if we end up D) and she sees him far more often than I see her these days. Anyway, when we were out to dinner, he did not bring up anything about the stitch, surprisingly, but he did try and get me to be his free tech support for several issues he was having on his phone and other issues he wanted advice for in his life etc. It was all I could do to not call him out on being such a horrible person and then still expect that I not only be polite to him, but do favors for him as well. I bit my tongue and just gave him very limited help and basically pointed him elsewhere.


This story likely will not serve much point in helping your stitch, but I wanted to point out that there are crazy people out there that only think of themselves. I feel your pain and am right there with you.

[trbuste]

I appreciate that Salazar. I am questioning if I am ever able to have a normal relationship with them again, even if my wife decided to turn around.

[AnotherStander]

PS: regarding the dating thing above, be mindful my W is dating and has been seeing people for well over 7 months now. If she does it why couldn't I do it?

Are you standing for your M or not? If you are then don't date. It is not at all fair to those that you're dating if you're still holding a candle for your W. The world doesn't revolve around what you want like you seem to think (which may be a reason why your M is on the rocks).

[trbuste]

I discussed this topic with my DB coach and she said it's a personal decision.

Some people date as part of GAL and that's OK
Some people sit there like a puppy and wait for W to return and that's OK too.

I've made it very obvious and clear to any of the dates I was seeing that I am only interested in casual encounters and that has been fine with them. In the end we are all adults and have human needs. I am not the type of person to unnecessarily hurt others or string them along.

I don't think I have been selfish at all compared to how the W has behaved.