Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Dear NicoleR, thank you, i have tough that only my W will punish with years, but stay together (leave under same roof, but not more than parents)

I know how your husband feels now. If you wont we can discuss about it.

So yes at firs (6 months after her D-day)- she suffer, i was trying to do every thing (from the books. She was saying, if other woman was with me will like who i am.
after this 6 months - she start asking me to leave, to divorcee and so on, that about for 2 years. I was convincing her to stay together for the kids. I was so nice, just hoover her. Then i went in apathy, she occasionally telling me that she is lonely, but never accept my attention, affection or what ever i try to give her.
Then she start to work, after 7 years SAHM, i hardly support her to find something that she will like to do. So she start to be among people,take attention from other people (men). Then OM1, nothing more then talks, coffees text...,but she was in limerance. I confront her several timce, but in the end we are like good neighbors (from beginning of this year, i hardly show in very civil way - that i am not OK to be around him - to her). With him i am just civil. Then OM1 withdrew, because of her GF, so i have seen, how my WW looks like when ending limerance.

Then come OM2, it is like taken from the book, friend, talks, texts..., This time i confront harder, and she went to him more than OM1. This is from around a year. Many times in our discussion, i was redy to leave, but in the end she convince me to stay because of the kids (or i make excuse to my self to stay).
To day i left, because she openly FB OM2. She call to kom back and talk, she told me that i am controlling, i want to cut contact with OM2, and behave as my wife. She told me to do what i want, and she will support me (do not make problems) im very soft voice, when i do not backed off - from what i want she start to blame game, bring my pasts mistakes, telling me that she is what i have made from her, that she is not at my level (sarcastic), and go to find woman at my level.

So now, i am staying at my work, and think what to do, if i go to my home how to behave.
I think that she will start to be even more WW just to show me....i am tired. If i divorce her, i will loos my kids time , but rationally i will not loose nothing more. We do not kiss, hugs, sex, love talks, or even conversions. She is not interested about me, she is bored from my day life, when there is something like dram in my work she is interested just to but me down, of course if some woman is involved in any way around me she is very interested. I listen to her all the time, and validate. I have stop controlling (verbal, gilt trip, lecturing and all this before more than 2 years).
Of course i love her, and i want to build ne R with her, and avoid all my mistakes, but...i relay do not feel, that this will be healthy for me if this continuous.

If we separate, she cannot handle this life standard, her payment will cover only food, but nothing more.

Please write more, how to switch the diamine. Separation/divorce - this will shake hardly the kids, and all people around (family and other people think about us as great family)
Should y stay out the night, or go to home and how to behave?
thanks