Glad to read that your have made a medical appointment. If your body is giving off vibes that something isn't right...you are doing the right thing to get checked out.
I think you'll get some answers to your questions tomorrow. Make a list of questions/concerns and take it w/you.
As for the home...is it in both names or just his? He definitely made his choice to move out and live in the "cabin". He could have returned home at any time. As for any expenses you incur repairing, replacing of carpet, appliances, etc., the court may look at it as routine maintenance and since he's helping to pay half the mortgage, you may not be able to ask for reimbursement since you are paying half as well. But check this out and definitely keep your receipts.
As for custody, I think he will be in for a surprise about rights and payments. From what you've posted, he pretty much gets to see his son quite often and the judicial system may not change that...but they may change the child support to what it should be in your state...which could be higher then what he's paying.
As the proceedings become a reality for him, you may discover that he's not going to go along w/what is proposed by you or the legal eagles. He's not going to want to do any of the work and most of these crisis people kick and scream all the way to the final paperwork signing.
I know you are concerned about all of this...but you will need to stay calm, maintain a reasonable relationship w/him, but you also want to keep a level head about the division of assets. One last thing, do not have any more discussions w/him about the division of assets until it's time to negotiate these things w/others in the room. The more you discuss them w/him, the more time he has in his lonely cabin to think about things, the more he'll dig his heels in.
As for being scatterbrained, this is very typical behavior for crisis people. You are the rational one in this relationship at the moment.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
