S - Everyone comes here broken as you will see in most everyone's posts. Some people come looking for a quick fix and leave when they find out there isn't one while others stay, work on themselves and become the best person they can be. A person only a fool would leave.
Your journey will be the same as long as you focus on yourseld and put in the work. Stay patient, only worry about what you can control and turn the rest over to a higher power.
I can tell you with 100% certainty that this board saved me, my sanity and has been better than my IC.
I appreciate the support!
LH - You are correct filing right now is not going to wake her up. Like your STXW she doesn't spew, let's me have the kids when I want, she is flexible, and for all accounts has been an excellent co-parent. Like you kids, time and life got between us and unfortunately both of us did not water our R enough.
I think that is why I have been interested in your sitch is because I see a lot of simularities. I am happy you have found peace. It sounds like both you and your W have treated each other with kindness through this process. I know it won't be easy telling the kids and you will probably have some emotion whenshe moves out as well. I remember when it happened to me and it's a day I will never forget.
Why didn't you and your W ever separate? I mean if I remember right you did early on and I think it was you that moved out but why not again for a longer period? Truthfully, her moving out for me might be the only thing that could help me save it.
V - I do believe mine is resolvable. I just hope with time and distance eventually she will see the same thing. Her list of complaints against me when she moved out was a stretch at best. Truthfully most of what she said I kind of felt like she was scrambling just to give me some answers to justfiy. At any rate they have been resolved, most of which was around my physical appearance at the time/lack of motivation. In general I think she felt like I had just given up on life and was ready to let myself go.
When she left she told me that I was a great provider, new I would love her for the rest of her life, was the best sexual partner she had ever had but she just felt it wasn't going to work and going to MC wouldn't fix it. To me I think it was more of a relfection where she was at emotionally.
Anyway fast forward 7 months, I am DBing to the best of my ability and applying the 37 rules. I generally do validate very well and listen when she brings something up it was just odd yesterday that she didn't remember what I sent her a couple of days earlier. I could tell she didn't take offense to it because she laughed back with me as she realized she didn't have it straight either. I will be cautious moving forward.
I think I need to remember as I get more comfortable in my sitch to not let my guard down.
Anyway I got up early this morning to hit the gym before church so off I go!
