Betheoa, you and your wife sound a bit like my husband and I. My husband was the nice one and I'm the controlling one. He had an affair and I did not, but I've made him pay for his affair by making him suffer for years. Now he wants to leave.
You know it's only after my husband says he's divorcing me that I realized how I punished my husband and made his life miserable because of his affair. Now I'd do anything in the world to apologize for that. He tried to tell me many times just to please be a nice woman and I wasn't. I was mean and ignored him and turned my cheek away when he tried to kiss me. I'm so sorry now I can't even believe I did those things to the man I love. He's done some very bad things but I can see clearly now how punishing someone endlessly can never fix a marriage.
I say all of that because your wife may not realize what she's doing either. You can tell her you want a separation and wait to see if she comes to the same realization that I did. If you're lucky, she'll see her own actins before it's too late and come to you begging for an apology. Then if you can start over you'll both work together on making changes to honor each other and make each other the priority.
