And yes, I have a contained way, so expressing these difficulties are difficult.
Surfer describes me as cool an analytical. More phlegmatic than anything. And a little phyrric in thought and action. Edz maintained I wrote with an English accent. I guess it's true.
More light than heat, seeking to understand. I know what you mean when you perceive others as saying and we don't absorb.
It's part of the feedback loop, it's only recently that the self contained element have sought feedback.
We are a jumble of our own thoughts and actions, a connection of beliefs and misunderstandings. These abusive R isolate us and the voice we hear is only that of the critical.
I often read in newcomers- if only I had been a better W or H, if only I had tidied my closet, served spiral pasta, bought the right bacon. If only I had.......
Over and over, we say to each other, this isn't about you. Nothing you could do would make the wayward unwayward or make the abuser non abusive. All we can control is our boundaries and reactions. At its best that creates an environment for change. If the other is just walking away then it's very different, we accept that each one of us 100% own the R and following the guides in DB is fantastic. We save ourselves.
From this I have learned that the myth you can love someone well or into best behaviour is untrue. We can assist, we can grow we can become. We take extreme care of ourselves. Always extreme care, no matter what or who we are.
So I ask myself can we love ourselves back to healthy way of being I think we can do so. We can not give what isn't within us. If our core is fine, truly we can become whole again. We can move forward.
I value the mirror reflections of others because it is so easy to only a see a distorted view. Like a circus mirror in a fun fair. I wish the bad guys went around with a big label on them "I am the bad guy" or we had prediction that person will become addicted.
We love who we love, and I have learned love is a choice, we don't have to love indiscriminately. We can choose to love an adult. Choose. That means we can choose to love ourselves too. At least to start with through the eyes of those who love us.
I tell glam sis I love her every day. It is important to me to do so. Do we give ourselves that gift? I am learning my higher power loves me and through me it can reach to comfort and enjoy. So those lovely things you see in me, I am so grateful and thankful.
More than you know dearest RD.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
