Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Thanks Cadet and Sandy.
Cadet - i have read your homework, will reread .

Sandy i am so happy you are here, so so happy..

Just to clarify, were you in any type of inappropriate relationship with another woman?

- Yes i have cheated on my wife 6 years ago (two times spend several days together sex PA, and 5 months EA via internet), she was from other country. Second one hour(one time) kissing/touching with another woman.

Yes, it sounds as if your W is very wayward. She's also been yanking you around by your b@lls for a long, long time. Don't you think it is time to change the dynamics in your MR?

- Yes i want, i think i have done a little to change...i am not sure, how much is it.

I commend you for being honest about yourself. How long has the M been sexually started? Was that your reason for being a WAH? You being a WAH, previously, does not excuse her nor gives her a right to cheat on you. Neither did it give her a right to punish you all these years. You really must stop being a doormat. Do you feel you are suppose take her bad treatment of you?

- One year after being together, the sex was ones a month or less. After the kids become even worst. I was obsessed about sex (with her), become addicted to porn. No i think i do not deserve this, i punish my self enough about what i have done, but really do not want live like this to the end...

[quote
First of all, they are not "friends", and she should not be friends or have private friendships with any man. She is playing you for a fool. A friendship that excludes her H is not acceptable. quote] I agree, with OM1 she include me, and we behave as good neighbors (i buy her "we are friend" - but i sow her limeranc to him). Ath the beginning of OM2 she try to talk about him with me and so on, but i show that i am not OK, then she involve her self even more (she told me that i push her).

Secondly, the OM is not the real problem. It's your WW that's the problem. If OM2 goes away, she'll find OM3. She wants a man who will not allow her to treat him like a doormat. Women are not attracted to doormats. They wipe their feet on doormats. Women want a man who is stronger than she is. If you are stronger, you are not showing it by your nice-guy ways.

- Agree. I do not behave as Nice Guy any more (i want- but not do it).

So, when there is no sex at home, look at yourself. She is not attracted to you. You may be handsome, but it's not all about looks. It is what kind man you are, and how you treat her....and especially how you let her treat you. It's about standing up for yourself and not being afraid of her. She doesn't desire to have sex with you, b/c she has lost respect for you. Sorry to be so harsh.

Stop taking her cr@p treatment. Stop believing her b.s. It's time for you to start making changes in yourself. Stand on your values, principles, and believe system. Do not compromise your integrity.

I hope you post every chance you get. Do you work full time? Does she work full time?

Sandy, i wish you to be so wrong, but i know you are so write .
So what i have done so far:
3 years free from porn.
6 months ago, i have stop call her, with no reason. If she ask me to call her when ... i do, but not call at all to check her.
Not ask nothing, if she talk about her day OK, but i have no ask.
This is may be wrong but i Snoop, in this way i handle her bite ( to be sure, do not bring my hope Up) - for now on i handle what i know pretty well. I do not confront about anything have know by snoop.
There is no more disrespect in front of the kids. If she try even a little, i shut her write there.
2 months ago, we have discussion (last one) she suck me in, so in very calm meaner i told her that i will not live like this, not open marriage and so on....
Since beginning of the year, if i sow her to write to OM2 by FB, i distance her mediately (not pity game), just not pay attention to her, be polite....but not interested.
On the third time, i leave the house, just say i am going out, and that is...she call me i did not answer. Go Back one hour later. She ask why i behave like this, and i say she know what she is doing.

Sandy what to de next time when she FB with OM2 in front of me?
What to do if she go to coffee OM2 and ask me/inform me before that, or after that.

She is hairdresser, and OM2 is her client, if they do not meat in between, he cut the hair every 2 weeks. From 2 months the do not meet elsewhere. than the salon. Sometimes he pass a way for coffee.
She pursuit him very hard, he is not so much interested. If she distance her, he try to engage her, by some Harts or kisses by FB.

She do not use any passwords, and live her computer with open FB at home.

Soon will write more.
To day after 3 days silence she contact him, to wish success in exam, he will meet for coffee in the saloon, if he is ok with his schedule.

Today i live my home at the 1AM, went to work, there was emergency and i am responsible. she call me at the night to ask where i am.
If i behave mysterious she behave nervous.
If we are in company of other women, and she behave protective of me, especially the other woman is friendly/flirty.

Will write soon...

Thank you.
This forum safe a lot of my self, you Sandy gave me a different look, that i follow as close as possible, and this change the dynamic a little.
thanks