Is there a place in the WW recovery cycle for a stage of "I dont think i can do this, but i want to try"(and by this i mean they actually DO want to try and arent just blowing smoke) or is the only acceptable posture and response, in your opinion, "I am fully and totally committed to the M and will do anything and endure anything to save it" (?)
Jim, I'd say that's about the place you are at.. Fear of Better Options pops in my mind, she knows she "should" be with you, but she is afraid she will be giving up better options so she will never actually commit. If your ww doesn't chose to be with you, doesn't decide that you are the one she wants to be with, you will likely live how you are now until she finds what she considers to be a better option.
Go read NicoleR's intro, her H left her for OW for a short period (2 weeks or months I think), then came back unexpectedly and 2 years later she is here because her H never actually committed to fixing things and left again. There have been a few other posters over the last 2 years I've been here that were here because of the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th A, but I can't think of their names right now. In every case, they all say the same thing, they never resolved what happened, their spouse never understood the devastation they caused, they all let their spouses back and just tried to be happy going forward without looking back first.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
