It has definitely been a while since I have posted on here (I believe since Sept of 2017). I have been keeping up with everyone sitch every now and then, but not as much as before. I needed to step away for awhile as things between H and I were changing.
To catch everyone up....I made it home safe from my trip to Colorado back in September and did not hear from H for a while after. I reached out because I needed to have to dogs stay with him for a bit because where I was living at the time really was not happy about them being with me as much as they were.
We spoke for awhile and he was very nice...which caught me off guard...and he even apologized for not staying in touch during my trip. He acknowledged he was not making the effort he should have and said he would do better. WELL.....he did do better and was really following through on things he said he would. Would call more often, and was making more of an effort to spend time with me. We had been spending quite a bit of time together and he started telling me that he missed me and that he wanted us to work on things. I was pretty hesitant because I had heard this before. BUT, I thought if I don't give things a try would I regret it?
I had been spending the night at his house randomly and I noticed that he was putting together some furniture. I asked him what that was for and he brushed it. Well come to find out his parents were coming to visit in November and he didn't want to tell me. I was honestly upset because here he was again hiding things from me.
His parent came for their visit, and not surprisingly, I didn't hear from him much. We did meet once for breakfast and spoke here and there, but definitely not as much as before their visit.
Around Thanksgiving he told me he wanted us to be together and he asked me to move in with him. Again I was surprised, but I thought maybe it would be good for us to be in the same house so that we could continue to move forward.
I moved in the week after Thanksgiving and things were okay. I was working quite a bit, so the time we spent together was good. We were aware of each others feelings and I was aware of how I spoke to him (something that was always difficult for me to do before).
I left to see my family for the Christmas holidays, but did come home a day early to spend Christmas day with him before I had to go to work at the hospital.
We have had some not so nice moments here and there.....him making selfish decisions, but we managed to talk through those. Overall, things had been moving slow. We have not really had much intimacy recently and I have noticed him pulling away a bit.
Yesterday I mentioned that something wasn't right for the past few weeks and he agreed. He told me that he is having a difficult time with the fact that I don't want to have any kind of relationship with his family moving forward. I told him how I felt quite a while ago and he said he understood, but I guess now that we are trying to see if this will work, he is having issues with it.
Me not wanting to be around his family comes from the fact that during the time we were separated, his mother and father spoke poorly about me to him on several occasions (he told me this). His father even went so far to tell my H that if we got divorced that he "should take me for everything I have." I am the bread winner in the family and all the money we have in savings, 401K etc is money I have contributed. His mother asked him to lie to other family members about what happened between us, and even said to tell them that I was the reason we split up. When we were together before BD they never showed me affection, or really made me feel like I was part of their family. His mom has been pretty standoffish for the majority of our marriage. I have always thought that she felt like I was not good enough for her son.
H still has a parent-child relationship (in the sense that he still acts like a 5 year old around them) to this day and this man is 45 years old
I told him that my boundaries are very strong on this and I honestly do not want to have a relationship with them. I told him he seems to be having a very hard time with this and I thought it would be best if I moved out and we no longer tried to work on us anymore. He said he didn't want that and he wanted us to be together.
He wants his parent to be able to come and stay in our house and to act like things between us were never an issue, and that they never said those horrible things about me. Never once did I ever hear from them during those 2 years we were separated.
So now I am stuck. I honestly do not know what to do.
