What to Do? 6

[sandi2]

I agree, you have gotten stronger. Being around your buddy may help more than you realize. You sound like such a good person, Chris, and there are many good women who are looking for someone like you.

Don't let your WW guilt you. Don't feel sorry for her. This was her choice. She makes everything about "her". She just takes and takes, and doesn't give. She doesn't want to be a wife, she wants to complain about you not responding to her text! Be prepared on the 20th for her to try and play more immature games. Be tough and don't give in to her.

Don't settle! You are much too valuable, and a much better life is waiting for you. You can do it.

((Chris))

[artista]

I will say this, I just went down south to visit a friend for 5 days. I have mentally been doing so well with this whole thing, and I am finally seeing I do not want this current R/M. There is no way in Hades I will ever put up with this in the future. I have gained so much knowledge from therapy, self help books, and just being on my own. I am actually excited for who ever I share my life with in the future. I am going to continue and work on myself through this whole thing.

i am happy that you seem to have found your worth... i know this has been painful for you, but i keep going back to this: better now than 10, 20, 25 years from when when you and WW have a family... i know this does not take away from the loss of your marriage as it was... but you have so much going for you... you deserve so much better... if she ever is going to be your future, she has a lot of work to do... i hope you do not lose sight of that--especially on the 20th when the two of you sort through wedding stuff... it's wedding stuff... it can get emotional... do you really have to do it together?

mis dos centavos--

--artista

[chris19]

So; my grandma passed away unexpectedly this morning at like 4:30am. I got the call from my folks; after talking with them I called W to let her know...I don’t know why but I was freaking out/emotions running high. I told her I just wanted to let her know and that I was sorry for waking her.

W asked if she wanted me to come home with her (bc I left right after my folks called me). I told her no, I did not want to use this as an excuse to see her. I was just calling to let her know. She then asked me if I wanted her to come over to help pack; I told her no thank you, but thanks for offering.

I was just about to leave and she showed up at my apartment and console me for a few minutes before helping me load my car to head home. She told me she wanted to be there for the funeral if it was ok with me. I told her I would call her a bit later. She has been texting me today and I have been responding to her questions but keeping it short. She also finally reached out to my parents for the first time since April.

Emotions are high. Crazy arse morning.

[artista]

i am so sorry, chris19... take care of yourself... cuidado...

--artista

[AnotherStander]

Chris, very sorry about your grandmother! That was very kind of your W to reach out to you. Unfortunately it probably doesn't mean anything other than she has sympathy towards you still (which is a good thing, but not anything to do with recon). Just accept her gestures and try not to read anything into it.

[chris19]

I’m really having trouble on how to handle this situation with W. My head is not clear at the moment. I also know I cannot ask you for the right answer bc your not living my life. W just sent this text word for word.

“I also dont know how ur fam feels about me so I dont want to interfere but it has nothing to do with me being u comfortable. I don’t care about that. I just care about being there in the best way I can for you all so if you are able to, please just be frank and direct with me on how I can help or if I need to stay out of things, etc. I love you and your family very much“

[chris19]

She also said stuff about not knowing how to handle this situation and wanting to respect me and my family. And her only objective is to be supportive of me as much as I need her....

[OwnIt]

These all seem like appropriate responses from her. Decide what you need in terms of support. Get through grandma's funeral and then when you are not in grief, do an inventory and see where things stand. Don't make decisions at this difficult time on whether you divorce or not. If she brings up the marriage, just tell her you are not prepared to discuss it until you resolve your grief over your grandma's passing.

[sandi2]

If it's messing with your head, then tell her you are too torn up to make these type of decisions. "I appreciate it, but considering our current situation, I think it would be easier if I could just focus on my family during this painful time".

[chris19]

Thank you all for the advice.

I spoke on the phone with W yesterday night. We talked a bit just about how everyone was doing. I explained to her I very much did appreciated all her kindness and support through this difficult time. I also told her that due to the direction of our marriage, I wanted to take this situation to be on my own with my family. I told her I did not want to add any other emotions with her being with me because I had enough emotions going at the moment (kind of in a joking manner). I could tell she was crying over the phone; but the conversation kinda ended and we said good night.

Then I rec'ved some texts from her: "so just to be clear you do not want me to attend the visitation and funeral".

I said, "yes, that is what is best for me."

She then said, "Ok i will respect whatever your wishes are. If you change you mind, please let me know as I would like to be there to pay me respects to her, but i understand and will do as you wish."

Then I said, "I will, again that you for everything, I mean that."

She finished with "You're Welcome"

So, I made the decision at the moment to not have her by my side. Major mental strength and the first time I did not make an excuse to see her.