Please help me.

[Subitai]

Wanting her isn't going to get her. She needs space. Pursuing her removes space, which makes her feel like she has to run harder to get the space. When you make the decision to D, you're right in the thick of the worst feelings about the relationship. Someone trying to make you talk about it is only going to make you regurgitate those negative feelings and reinforce them from repeating them again and again and again.

My W said she didn't like being at home because it didn't feel 'safe' because at any minute, I would start begging her to reconsider. I had to pull waaaaaaay back. Ever since then, she's been more talkative, happier, and more receptive. She's even softened some positions. Nowhere NEAR talking about recon, but baby steps. She needs space to get there. Without it, she's got zero chance of focusing on anything but the things that drove her to drop the bomb.

As for her noticing, you need her willing to talk to you for her to notice, so you need to give her space until she feels safe trying to talk to you. THEN she can notice. Not until.