Still surviving

[Surv1ve]

Hi coly!

I wouldn't say that it's quiet w EX/OM but the intensity seems to be gone. He sent me a credit card statement (we still share finances) and he had recently paid his L another $2500. I did my part of financial disclosure (draft) in early December. I would say we are civil and good coparents but the intensity seems to be gone. I'm not getting a giant blame fest that I am aware of.

EX/OM also gave me a really thoughtful and gorgeous very "me" Christmas present. I cried a whole bunch because it was so confusing. Like, it came with a letter that was so full of love but in everyday life he doesn't act as if he cares about me. When he asked me how I was doing, I expressed my confusion because rhis present can only comw from someone who loves me. He just nodded yes.

So, I don't know what's up with him. He is still going through puberty and is communicating much more clearly about his needs and wants and thinks testosterone has done that. I then wonder if he's stop blaming me for failing to misread his invisible needs... or actually lying when I directly asked.

Every once in a while, he softens towards me and expresses a willigness to actively work on our relatuonship (like to be warmer) and then he gets mad at me about something and closes down all the way. When I got the financial disclosure request from OM, I separared any actual joint accounts or credit cards. He shut me out. And before that, it was my deciding I was done having areas of the house that are off limits to me. I can't regret either of those decisions.