Gaslighting or selfish, naive and blind...

[ciluzen]

Just a quick reply, as I'm ducking out to class. He knows all. I told him that our daughters had both suspected an improper relationship since they were in highschool...that that was how obvious that he was focusing his attention on her was. The story I told him I was leaving them to tell is of the things they found "hidden" in the shop. This is because a) I didn't find it b) it is possible that it was not intended for her (we were very active until the week before BD) c) "hidden", upon retrospect, is a perception (shop being accessed by us all and not really full) and d) again, nether I nor D's know the intention behind it. Both D's were in college and "hiding" it in the shop doesn't make as much sense as D's let on, as I went in there often, sometimes just to keep him company.

I have fought the urge multiple times to call or write to her H. But I don't really want to bring that down on him as a) I'm the XW and so my involvement may be dismissed as unfounded and vindictive b) knowing how obvious it is to others and how often they spend time together with my XH, he is either trying to ignore the situation to keep his family intact or really is clueless (or manipulated...look who he's married to) and c) I would feel like an absolute sh#t being judge, jury, and jailor just to make him and his kids feel as angry and sad as I and my children. How does that help us to move on?

I am not responsible for her H or family...I have cut that whole group out of my life. Yes, I wonder if he knows or what he thinks, but my priority is my family. Truth has a way of surfacing. I already know of a few people who have left that situation, especially after it became known that we divorced. It speaks more of them (those who stay) and less negatively of me. As for my kids; the situation is evolving as understanding sinks in. I can't force my opinions on them...I want them to love their father as he does love them. However, respect is a whole other thing.