If you think about it and the laws of attraction it makes sense. She made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with you and if you continue to call her, talk to her, initiate conversation, etc. you won't look attractive in her eyes because you are diminishing your own self-worth. She has treated you like $hit but yet you keep coming back for more. Instead you should be saying F-that, I don't want anything to with you and start moving on with your life.
I actually did read it right before my last post! It’s just hard to believe.
DB'ing is counter-intuitive. Every fiber of your being is telling you to beg, plead, reason, explain, apologize, grovel, buy gifts, etc. etc. Those are the WRONG things to do, they never, ever work. Read the book. Read Cadet's links. Read Sandi's rules:
Give your W time and space while you read and learn. Leave her be. No pursuit. In the meantime read some other threads here for ideas on the info you need to share for us to effectively help you (so far you've shared very little). Good luck!
Moving Forward 1. Understanding where you fell short in the relationship and making improvements in those areas (communication, dealing with conflict, do you have Nice Guy Syndrome? etc.) 2. What are your personal values and how do you define your integrity as a person - what will you accept and not accept from another person? Understand those and develop boundaries for all relationships. 3. What person do you want to be staring back at you in a year from now? Become that person. Become that authentic person, not what she wants or what society wants. Are you a slob now and would like to get fit? Go do it. That's just one example.
Moving On Coming to a place of peace and understanding that you do not want a relationship with this other person and are ready to find other partners or relationships more suitable to your needs.
Moving Forward doesn't mean that you've moved on. It means that you are not standing still and will fully figure out how to live your life without worrying about the other person.
If moving forward is difficult to figure out, don't ask yourself - "How did this happen to me?". Instead ask "How did I let this happen?" and figure out answers to that question and make improvements. Take some personal accountability and find that empowerment.
I know some things I can do. Personal fitness and financial, to start with. But how would she even take notice. Like really how would she even know
As someone who was in that spot 8 months, I will say this.
They will notice...But when they notice, you might be in a different position in your life and maybe not even care if they notice.
In June, I thought my wife leaving me was the worst thing to ever happen in my life. 8 months and a divorce later I can honestly say, it was one of the most painful yet best things to happen to me in a decade. I began to find out who I was as an adult, father, lover, friend etc.
I made changes to finances fitness etc. Yes xW noticed, but so did many other people.
Friends, Family, potential partners.
You can't save 100% of marriages, but you can regain 100% of your dignity.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
