Nicole, if you're right, he will come back when he sees you doing your own thing and being the best person you can be. Nothing wrong with striving to be that. But I'm telling you right now, you have rose colored glasses on and are not seeing the truth of who he is. NO BASICALLY GOOD GUY who just has a temporary lapse of judgment and then is discouraged in reconciliation because his wife can't let it go, SAYS THOSE THINGS ABOUT HIS OWN CHILD!!!!
I've seen lots of cases here where a reconciliation is attempted and the wife can't let it go or stop punishing their husband. The husbands in those cases do not behave like yours!
What you had instead was a failed reconciliation because HE wasn't actually committed to the idea. He lapsed back in to his affair or his addiction - this happens a lot.
Your life is not ruined. You can plan new dreams and get back on your feet and open up a whole new life for you and your little girl. You cannot fix the fact that her father does not care about her, but you can seek a whole new life with new people in it that can form a friend/family around her.
My sister's sociopathic ex left her when their daughter was 5. My sister went on to marry a good guy who was a good dad to my niece - went to all her games and band performances, fixed her car, etc. My niece calls her biological father "the sperm donor" because he's been such a poor father figure in her life. Thank god she had a great step-dad and an uncle she is close to.
Get an attorney, get an order for temporary support, get the financial support that is due to you and your daughter, then get out of there as soon as you can. If you are meant to be with him let HIM do the hard work of getting over his addictions and making it up to you and your daughter. You were not unreasonable to expect him to do things to make you feel safe and cherished when he came home - he didn't do them because he already had one foot out the door again.
