Picking up Her MESS #2

[Surv1ve]

Oh, yup, it's confirmed in there.

I think the extra issue that queerspawn have to deal with is that sometimes they feel this need to be "perfect" to prove that our families are just as okay, too. I remmeber I was at a conference on LGBT health and the keynote speaker joked that her daughter was off delivering her own presentation later that day and "OF COURSE SHE IS" talking about the drive to perfection that some of our kids face to "prove" our families are just as okay. I know that one of the reasons I haven't talked broadly about what's happening at home is because I am "known" locally as the "poly triad raising kids" and people say, "Well, must be okay as they've all been together for 10 years." So, if I say that this nonsense is going on, then they will say, "Oh, it's because that family has been wrong from the get go." Just adds another layer, you know? Personal shame and community shame... and, I wonder about the kids in term of the desire to prove our families are okay by being overachievers... what kind of pressure?

Anyway, all that to say, it's nice to see another story on the board from a non-hetero family and you sound like you're an incredible mom and will be able to give those kids the unending love they deserve. Did you adopt them later? Were there pre-existent attachment issues? All that to say that they might need extra love and stability right now and wondering if you can do anything to buffer up their support network? And, with that in mind, I am cheering you on in trying to keep them together and I'm so sorry that has already prove so challenging.