Newbie In Need Of Guidance

[rminer]

Why do you think it is coming soon? Are you sure it's not more you wanting to "do something"?

If course I want to do something. I say this because of a few things she has said.

Before I came to this site and was trying to get her to talk, she said it was "too sad to do before Christmas." She also said on another day that "She didn't want to give me false hope." At one point I told her I wasn't giving up on "us." Her reply was simply "we'll see."

The way she was raging yesterday may be all part of the process, but it sure felt as though there was another message behind it.

And as I mentioned, today I see that she has a "friend" on Facebook who is a divorce lawyer. I never noticed that "friend" before.

I want to make sure I'm not caught off guard if the conversation comes and make it go as well as possible.

You referred to it as the R/A/D talk. Are you planning to talk about all three at one time?

NO! I am avoiding it at this point.

When I mentioned a plan of action, I did not mean that having a talk was the plan of action. I will be glad to help you with a plan of action........but I can't tell you word for word to say. I can try to direct you.

The plan is not the conversation, but eventually it will come. I can't be unprepared. Your guidance will be appreciated.

I would say to begin mentally preparing by seriously thinking about your core values, standards and principles. Then list the things in life you will not live without. (I am not referring to objects). Then, list the things you will not tolerate in your relationships.

Understood. I have been thinking about it. The only things on it so far are not living without my kids and marriage. I won't tolerate the A.

I am still working on it, but I am coming to realize that I may have to be a bit more flexible on the marriage part as much as I don't want to.

I think you need to study boundaries, before opening your mouth too big and undertaking a serious talk with her.

I will go back and study more. I really don't want the,talk yet.

Do you know how a transparency plan works?

I do not. That will be tonight's homework.

She'll probably start griping about how you are to blame for everything wrong in her life.

In one of our text conversations and in the texts to the OM, she said that she is to blame because she had been lying to herself about being happy. This threw me off a bit because she did blame me too. Was this to gain sympathy, or do you think she may have meant It?

If she does, then what will you do?

At this point, probably panic and screw it up.

You are not ready.

I know. That is why I am here.

You prepare by learning more DB and You the techniques. This can't be fixed by talks.

I picked up a copy of the DR book yesterday. Started on it today.

It's late for me, so I will try to get back to you tomorrow. In the meantime, please cool it and don't get into a R talk.

Not planning on it and thank you.

I know it may seem like I am rushing things. I don't mean it to. I am listening to you and trying to apply what I am learning. I don't like to be unprepared for anything in my life and I know I am. Just trying to cover every base so I can do this as well as possible.

I also see what it is doing to our kids in just this short time and it is breaking my heart. I think they want this to be resolved more than anyone.