Newbie In Need Of Guidance

[rminer]

Her goal is not for you to love her and cherish her, her goal is to relieve herself of guilt. Therefore, if you argue and contradict her, she's just going to resent you for making her feel more guilty.

No more "truth darts," eh?

There is NO PATH to "nicing" yourself back into this relationship. The only way back is tough love.

I understand that. We don't argue, and most everything is small talk, so there is not much chance for "tough love." How do you "tough love" when there is rarely a chance?

There was an episode yesterday that I will get to in another post.
To Sandi's points, people value that which they have to work for, and do not value that which is easily obtained. If you throw yourself at her, you're of no value.

"Sorry you feel that way -- I guess we're done then. Will you be packing up your things today, or this weekend?"

My wife would have called me out on that one, but I see where you are going with it and how it could work.

Going forward I strongly suggest you begin acting as a person of high value, which means you don't diminish your needs or your status in the relationship. You stand up for yourself at all costs, and you refuse to accept responsibility for things she projects onto you.

Point taken

I often tell people that the shortest path back together is a straight line in the opposite direction.

Oddly, that makes sense.