Well its been a bit since I have updated ... I actually debated if I would or not but as this story has gone I feel in a way I would be remiss if I didn't
So big part of my story is I am officially divorced. Went final 1/11/2018 after being filed back in 9/23/2016. It was a long drawn out process to say the least.
I did not really want to post just for the fact so many here are facing it and in many ways holding onto hope just as I was in the early days, I actually seen it as small victories as I went through 3 ... yes 3.... failed meditations only for things to finally end up in the courts, and again there things were drawn out. I honestly dropped rope in Feb15 consciously, it was the unconscious battles that took its toll and time to finally detach and let her go about her own journey that no one can know the outcome nor duration.
As far as my feeling, I let it sink in for about a week before I was going to post here, just to make sure I really was feeling what I was feeling and I will be honest ... the day in court seeing her I was reminded how beautiful I always found her, but also reminded how I just do not know who that person is anymore. There was a bit of sadness and remorse that day. Once I left the court I actually felt lighter, that cloud that has been over my head for 4 1/2 years had some serious weight and in a sense I felt free, not last day of school free but more like graduation free where its mixed in with a touch of uncertainty but you have faith things are going to be just fine.
I will say this ... out of all the things that happened over the past 4 1/2 years I know now I needed to learn the hard earned lessons that only this type of thing can bring, I am light years away from Cali 1.0 and so so thankful for all I have learned .. much from this forum, thank you all of you and you know who you are .. some here and some have not posted in ages..... I have grown, and become so much more aware and at peace with it all than I could ever articulate.
As far as my MLCr, I can not tell you much concerning her, the NC has been pretty standard for the past 2 years, her lawyer did tell me that MLCr desperately wants to show S10 we respect and care for each other (unsure what to take from that but with all things MLC ... actions not words) I shared I did believe we could successfully co-parent and maybe one day be friends but currently my priority is S10 and the new life I have been handed. S10 shared she had been crying all weekend but over several things (She never once told him of the divorce) She had family affected by the flood up north (All are fine and were clear from harms way) and ExMIL was in the hospital with kidney issues something MLRr is worried about that she will one day become MIL in and out of hospitals all the time telling S10 its because she worries so much (Mush of the issues I have always felt were from stress tbh) . She did look like the bad side of town when I collected S10 Monday, but I really did not question why till S10 mentioned how his day was with her.
So now with all that said and done I am moving into a much bigger place, the financial cloud over my head is gone and I know where I stand its refreshing to be able to go after those things without the D hanging over my head. As far as the settlement .. I know I left a good deal of money on the table short term, long term was my concern and I won all those battles so its a deal I felt was fair and I could live with.
