I want to Stand, but think it's hopeless.

[Surv1ve]

Oh, so much to think about here.

my 2 cents.

As to your house, if you cannot afford it without him, move. Do not let him harm you further. And, what better way to show him you're moving on. It sounds like you're attached to the status of having a Nice House as much as to the house itself, and that makes so much sense. See if you can find ways to appreciate a different house, one that allows you the financial freedom to explore other dreams. One that is easier to take care of? One that is more central to your favorite things? And, realistically, it seems like this MLC thing is kind of a long haul... so, are you really going to hang out in a house you can't afford for 3 to 5 five years while he's out there growing up?

You could also see if you could rent the house out to people who would cover the mortgage while you live elsewhere if you wanted to keep the option open, but that sounds like extra work.

I, too, have read lots about MLC in lots of places. A lot of people suggest that "most" MLCers come back, and the vibe here seems to be that it's unusual or rare. And, I'd sure like to know the future, but in the end, I guess, what all those other MLCers do is probably not going to influence my MLCer either. My situation is super unique... but, probably, really, no more unique than others. I hope for my M but I have also found the following sentence super comforting.

My old M is dead. I mean, I also don't WANT that guy back. The guy who was apparently so unhappy and never had the guts to tell me? The guy who claimed to never have a need of his own and was so easygoing and, meanwhile, he was a stewing pot of repressed emotions? The guy who was probably projecting his mommy issues on to me the entire 20 years we were married? I don't want him back. I don't know who my H will be when he gets through the tunnel. Sometimes, I see glimpses of this pretty stellar guy and I desperately want to meet that guy full time. THAT guy and I might have a future together, but the old guy and I do not. That marriage is dead. AND, I miss feeling loved, being held, feeling SO certain of my safety and our future together. Oh yes, I miss that rock solid belief... the thing was, it was never true. I just believed it, but it was actually never, not ever, true.

You got this, though. You do.