Husband gone for the second time - 2

[Sotto]

Hi Nicole, I think you are being hard on yourself sweetie. From where I am sitting, you didn't fail to take the opportunity you were given and you have both had your part in getting to the current situation.

No-one posting can tell you your marriage is going to be healed. We just don't know how things will unfold. However, I can tell you that you will be healed and that your life will be full and happy again, regardless of whether you continue to be married to this man.

In DBing terms, sending him long apology letters and desperately owning your part is likely to just drive him further away. It is time to put on your own oxygen mask, accept him as gone - at least for now - and start moving painfully forward. Even if it is just taking baby steps, a baby step forward on the right path is a step forward, no matter how small.

What is the right path? Looking after you, focusing on your child, getting yourself well again, being kind to yourself, rebuilding your life with him gone, securing your future, letting him be, making new friends in time, working in time. All things that are within your gift, even if you move towards them slowly and with faltering steps, because you feel so fragile.

BTW, I don't post must on FB, but I believe many on the forum do post on the Divorce Busting area of FB. That's all I know, but I know it may be possible to connect with others IRL if you have a look..

So, I'd love for your next posting to have nothing to do with your H - he's not central just now - truly I hope you can see this. Let it be all about you and how you are going to move a few steps forward in the coming week. What tiny bits of progress are you going to make - regardless of him and what he may do.

I recall realising myself that - even if my marriage were to be restored - I had to know that I could make it alone - otherwise I felt the fear would always be there...

Food for thought hopefully - and BTW - Divorce care is a fantastic option. If you contact them and let them know your dilemma, they may be able to help. I still volunteer with my divorce care group and I'm sure we would look after someone's child at the meeting venue, if it helped them attend the group...

You will feel stronger and brighter soon Nicole, I promise you xx