It's a bad situation when the wayward spouse is suffering from a physical problem. If her doctors won't prescribe pain medication, then I suspect she is getting something without prescriptions. The addiction and how she is obtaining the pills may play a part in her GGW lifestyle.
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One of the problems in our relationship though was me not paying attention to her or her needs. It's messed up, because paying more attention to her and what she is saying would be a 180 for me, but at the same time I don't want it to appear as pursuing
What specific needs? Did she tell you?
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Another complaint of hers was that I never apologize for anything. And she's kind of right. I didn't see a need to apologize for something that I didn't see as wrong, even if it bothered her, which I now see as wrong. I needed to validate her feelings of being upset and apologize for making her feel the way I did....
But a 180 does not mean you take the blame and start apologizing for every little thing she complains about..........especially when she is being sarcastic (like the snuggling). If you know you need to apologize for something, then do it. When a W is wayward, the H has to present himself in a position of strength. I'm not telling you to never apologize when you do something to cause her legitmate hurt. I am saying not to do like some guys that get into a habit of apologizing for something all the time, b/c he thinks it will bring peace with her. Just b/c she complains......does not mean he should take blame and jump in to apologize. Do you see what I mean?
You mentioned she thought you never listened to her. You can listen, without telling her what she should do to fix it. Some H's think that's their job. However, unless she asks for advice, she doesn't want it. Women want to be heard. If she starts bashing you, then you walk away.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
