Similar to many of you here, I've been discovering more and more things that I did wrong that pushed my husband away. These past few days amidst the grief and sorrow I started to see my own actions more clearly. Over the past two years, after my husband returned the first time after he left, I pressured him a lot to fix the marriage and I kept waiting for him to do it. I was so fixated on him doing something to fix what he'd done that I wasn't a nice person. I made a lot of mean and sarcastic comments, he'd try to kiss my cheek and I'd turn it away, he'd come home from work and say hi and I'd look down and say nothing, he'd ask my opinion about something with the house he was building and I'd insult him for spending too much money and say he should cancel the idea....the list goes on.
Just recently I told my husband he's not even 2% of what a father should be. It's somewhat true but how can I expect my husband to want to return home to fix the marriage when this is how I've been?
I'm not excusing my husband's actions. He shouldn't have left the first time, shouldn't have had an affair, and shouldn't have prioritized money and the new house over his family. He said those terrible things about our daughter recently and he's not paying all the bills. All those things are bad.
But now I'm left to see my role and how I was bitter, mean, sarcastic, miserable, and made him suffer for what he did.
These realizations came too late. My husband already wants a divorce. I sent him several long apologies these past few days citing specific things I did wrong and how sorry I am. I don't even know if he read them. He didn't respond. Now he's on his way overseas.
Suddenly I realized that my husband did love me. I thought back over the past ten years and remembered all the things that he's done to support me. Who he is currently is nothing like the man that I married, but he did try. Up until recently he would apologize profusely for anything he did wrong.
Now my husband is fed up and wants a divorce. As if my heart wasn't already broken now it's even more broken. I love my husband. He's not an abuser. He chose to have an affair, got caught up in shopping and being financially irresponsible, and he has impulse problems and maybe an addiction to shopping or pornography, all of which are serious issues, but a lot of his frustration and anger may come from the breakdown of our marriage.
Is it really too late? Is there any realistic chance of reconciling before or after the divorce?
Either way I will work on changing myself. I know I have to let go of my husband but there is this last small glimmer of hope that is so hard to let go of. Yes, he's done all those bad things but now I feel like I could actually carry out the LRT but is it too late? I don't think I did well at all with the LRT these past few months because I was sick and psychologically not stable, but my guess is most of you will say it's too late now.
Is there ever a case where two people get together again after divorce? I feel deeply sorry and devastated that I pushed him away further until he decided on divorce. It was a downward spiral and I would have done anything to see how my actions contributed but now it's too late.
