Hi all, nothing new. I am doing well and am at peace. Starting to feel indifferent and the W is occupying a lot less of my mind. While I am standing for my MR I don't feel that I am doing much to save it. Tomorrow marks 7 months and I am so much better than where I was back in May. It feels like such a long time but in reality it hasn't been that long at all.
I have no anger for my W only compassion and empathy. I have not seen or spoken to her since Friday morning during kid pick up. She is still not wound as tight and is much more comfortable in my presence, will engage more in conversation and jokes around as well. I know it doesn't mean anything but at minimum I hope it all helps my D's be comfortable around us. I am not punitive or vindictive, still don't pursue and really never initiate conversation. My only desire is to be a good co-parent and set the example for my girls.
So where do I go from here? For me I will continue to do the things that I enjoy which is investing in myself. I love to lift weights, exercise, eat healthy, read, spend time with my girls, play basketball, have some guy time, do some stuff around the house, attend church and keep the wardrobe up to date. I don't need much else in my life for me to be happy. I really am a simple person. I have been alone before in two different towns, not knowing a sole, when I was starting out in my career so I know I will be happy being alone again.
I know at some point in time I need to think about what I really want out of the R with my W but for right now I keep avoiding the tough answers to those questions. Maybe that means I am not ready or maybe that means I won't do it because it goes against my belief system. Or maybe I just haven't had enough yet and that hope still lingers locked away in my heart. I guess only time will tell.
TBH I have thought about telling her I am going to move forward with D but then I think well maybe I have not given her enough time. She has suffered consequences but unfortunately those have not been enough. She has struggled financially, she does not have me to support her emotionally, she has less time with the kids (although she probably enjoys that :), moved out herself to an apt, I don't run errands for her, we stay on tract with our parenting schedule 98% of the time so I really don't know what else to do other than continue to be patient, keep moving on and give it more time.
If she was baiting me into arguments, flaunting men in my face and being over the top disrespectful like other guys on the board are experiencing it would be easier for me to come to some conclusions. Maybe that is what makes it more difficult.
