waw maybe #2

[bhappy2]

Thats the problem she will not pay for anything.

I disagree. The problem is that she has always called the shots, is still calling them. You have allowed her to keep her income for selfish purposes, while you support the family. How do you think anything will be resolved living under the same roof when she refuses do anything she doesn't want.....and you adjust to whatever she says.

Yes of course I realize now that should have been addressed years ago. I was being a good H and provider for my family.

And now she is doing nothing to help around the house either, she is completely gone. It's ok this is her journey and I will not ride the roller coaster anymore.

But it seems as if you are riding the roller coaster. You were feeling great, talking about moving on.....and now you are LRT. Looks like a ride to me.

When I say LRT meaning that I will no longer say anything to her and completely withdraw from all the family activities.

I have said nothing nasty I was vvery calm when I asked her to move out.

That's fine, but the final note is that she refuses and you are still adjusting to her. She does not have to adjust to the circumstances she has caused. Why is that?

Because she knows she doesnt have too, that is changing very soon as evverything is in the lawyers hands now.

Like I said this is a very tough situation, it will be resolved soon... I hope.

What is your plan to get it resolved? Enabling her will not resolve anything.

B/c she filed and had me served both L are in contact and the negotiations have started.

Please note that she is not cooperative at all,

Most WW's aren't cooperative. That's the waywardness. However, it's always a personal choice to not cooperate. Don't expect her to suddenly become cooperative. I wish it was that easy, but the reality is that it won't happen without some type of consequences for her choices.

The consequences are coming unfortunately that means some major changes for our children.

and she still wants everything to remain a secret.

Of course she does!

I often wonder why, is it the shame, embarrassment? Who knows? She did tell me right after BD that she didnt want anyone to try and change her mind.

Doesnt want anyone to know we are getting D'ed. She is so torn up and fogged up she cannot see straight.

That ^^^^ alone, tells you she is not in a normal frame of mind. So, to continue as usual will not bring about a change in her mindset.

Agreed.

I am out of my fog and preparred to move on.

Are you sure? Why are you doing the LRT? Do you want the M saved? Are you done? I'm just asking.

Doing it for me, I held on to hope for a long time LRT is also for me.

I will say this I think she needs counceling and I thought she did before BD. Irrational behavior, illogical thinking and a mentality that she needs to put herself first. As if everybody in her life took from her and now its her time to live.

Yep! Keep it in mind, if reconciliation is ever considered. It should be a prerequisite to having a relationship with her.

I'm sorry you are going through this mess. It must be difficult to know what to do, at times. At this point, it may take something drastic to shake her fog. Telling your adult children she has filed for a D, may cause some reality to hit her.

Thank you Sandi, certainly talking it out on here makes things much better.