Should I tell her I'm going out, or just go and play her game? She rarely actually tells me she's leaving, let alone where she is going.
Yes, you can tell her you are going out, but don't tell her where or what time you'll be home. Women are curious by nature, and as a WW, she'll want details. She will want to know if you are seeing another woman! although she may not directly ask. Your job is to give very vague answers that tell her nothing. Do not reassure her that you aren't seeing anyone, or you are just meeting with old buddies, or that you'll be alone. I don't mean that you act as if you are dating, or try to make her jealous. I am saying to let her think whatever she thinks. You don't give her straight answers. I am not encouraging you to lie. Never lie to your W. I am just saying not to give details. If you want examples, you can ask me the questions you think your W may say, and I'll play your part, to show you what I mean.
H: "I am going out". W: "Where" H: "Haven't decided yet". W: "Is anyone going with you"? H: "Don't know. W: "Well, have you asked anyone"? H: (Just gives her the glare of death). W: "When will you be home"? H: "Don't know".
BTW, if there is nothing open late, is there somewhere you could go and just read a book, or post on your thread? Is there a nearby mall where you can just look around? Until you think of something you'd enjoy doing for fun, simply getting out of the house needs to be your aim in creating an air of mystery about you. Eventually, you will be really GAL, and you'll be able to see what a positive difference it makes in you. Don't engage into any activity that could bring regrets and you will be fine.
I want to clarify a couple of previous things, b/c I don't want you to misunderstand.
I do not want you to think you have to tolerate an unfaithful W. All cheaters lie. Even with concrete evidence, most cheaters deny having an A. Therefore, realize that simply confronting her about your suspicions will probably do no good. In fact, it alerts her to be more careful about covering her A. She will lie and deny, and try to make you feel as if it's all your imagination. The cheater's most used lie is, "He is only a friend". So, after you let her know you are sucpicious, then what? Then the games really go into high gear. Many men think confrontation, alone, will automatically end the A. It doesn't. The H has to set and enforce boundaries. I hope you are reading about it.
As I said previously, if you ever confront her......you will need to have a plan of action. Don't share with her, just be prepared. Words alone are not effective. Be ready to physically separate, if she does not make an immediate u-turn. She would need to see that you aren't playing and won't tolerate inappropriate behavior with another man. Don't be afraid of losing her, b/c she's already there. Oh, and another thing......She would have to end complete contact with the OM for the rest of her life. She could have no more hidden agendas, secret messages/contacts, and private friendships. Affairs of any type are very addictive.
The other thing I wanted to clarify is about her going out at night. When I said don't let her see you acting sad, I didn't mean for you to act goofy and overkill by telling her to enjoy herself or that she deserves it. Some H's even tell the WW to have a good time. I don't really agree with telling a wayward W this, b/c she is suspected of inappropriate behavior. Just try not to look fake.
Finding balance in your new actions/behavior and interactions with her will be challenging.
Remember, your goal is not to prove your love. It is to have the respect from your W that you deserve. When there is a WW in the M, you cannot gain her respect with your passive ways. You probably will always have nice guy traits, but you can learn how to keep a healthy balance....and what you have to do with your W.
Never threaten to do something that you can't enforce and carry through.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
