Living in the Present, only Looking Forward

[Coconut]

This weekend I went to a meet-up with my kayak fishing club for a winter get together.. We went to a lake that has a hot water discharge canal from a power plant that flows into a large lake. This was my first time going, but they go every year, it's known as the fishing meet where the fish are jumping all over the place but don't bite and everyone sticks it out in the cold as long as they can before going to grab some lunch. Just a social gathering.

It lived up to it's reputation this year, except they weren't discharging hot water that day, so the fishing was worse than usual, and it was freezing.. the wind was howling down the canal and we didn't make it very long before going to breakfast instead of sticking it out till lunch.

Anyway, while out I was talking to a few friends about dating now that the D was finalized, mentioned that I had tried online dating and that the first person I met was very aggressive.

I had posted my profile on Friday, she reached out and we started to chat on Saturday, while chatting I told her I was headed out to go hike a trail at a local state park and left, when I got back she had msg'd me like 10 times. then on Sunday, I was taking all the x-mas decorations down, disposing of my tree, etc, so I didn't reach out to her. About 1pm, she messaged "have I lost you already?". My thought was that she never had me, how could she lose me, but I replied that no, I was going to contact her later but I was getting some stuff done around the house I needed to take care of.

Anyway, we talked a little over the course of the next few days, then I told her I would be out of communication for a few days while I went to FL to take care of the D. When I got back I messaged her that it brought up more emotions than I thought it would, and that I was going to hold off for a while before dating and I deleted my online profile. She asked if we could still be friends and I replied that would be nice if it didn't come with expectations (I don't have any friends in my hometown). She then replied and asked if it would come with any benefits. Grr.. now I realize that is something most would probably jump on, no pun intended, but I had just told her no expectations and she throws that out there. I probably should have told her I wasn't interested in communicating anymore, but I just told her I wasn't looking for a hookup. Now I don't have any interest in talking to her, it's been over a week and she hasn't said a single thing that interests me, but I'm not sure how to end that communication nicely... I guess I will just man up and tell her.

While at the meet-up, one of buddies starts telling me about some of his experiences with OLD, and I got to tell you it was right along the lines of what you all have experienced. He had one lady he was dating for a couple of months, they had always gone back to his place because she said that she didn't want her kids to know she was sexually active, until one day that they had planned a date, she showed up at his house with her Husband. Apparently he was ok with her having guys on the side as long as he got to watch occasionally. unreal.

Anyway, I decided to check out another site that he said had a lot more people from our area, so I went on there and have been communicating with a lady that lives in the same town as my bff (about 35 mins away). She has a ranch where she trains horses, has a start up dog grooming business, and is a foster parent for rescue dogs waiting to be adopted. Her bio seemed very genuine, and she seems very down to earth and content with her life. She is my age and I found her to be very attractive (not in a hot kind of way, but a natural beauty), so I reached out to her and we have been talking a little.

I am joining another fishing club this week, this is a cat fishing club, which is ironic because I've never been cat fishing and don't have any plans to anytime soon. But I've been to some of their events, they are a local club, I've gotten to know the president of the club and a few of the guys in the club that I get along with, plus they do a lot of charitable work which I think I can really help out with. so overall I think it will be a good way for me to build some friendships with people in town, spend time doing some charitable work, and who knows, maybe i'll enjoy cat fishing when I eventually try it out.