Wife wont admit to affair, its driving me nuts! 2

[Morbo]

So been away a while. Not much computer/screen time.
More ME time.

Keeping NC mostly, busy GAL'ing but had a little blow up with W last week. It was all after the drama of her being taken off my family whatsapp and pretty much disowned by them.

We did have one bit of contact where she called me and we talked for an hour. She was in tears pretty much throughout, is lonely(we both are obvs) and how much this all sucked.
A lot of home truths were told(by me), like how I didnt really want to go out with her the last 2 years because she used to get drunk and it was just embarrassing.I didnt want to be around that.
Also, how her affairs destroyed the marriage and that I dont trust her anymore. Although she still insists that there's no affair now but I dont believe her or want to know.
The past year when I was trying to work on the M, I kept everything positive and never called her out on anything. Now I dont care, I just tell the truth as I see it, especially now that we have distance and are separated.

Anyhoo, by the end of an emotional convo I suggested that we might go out occasionally, once a week, give it one last go, see if we connect again. Lunch, dinner dates, kayaking. Twelve years together, 2 kids and lots of great memories, worth a shot.
I know, I know I'm probably setting myself up for a fall...but hear me out.

Anyway, she wasnt too enthusiastic but we organized to go for lunch the next day.
It didnt happen as my younger D was sick so I stayed home with her.
That was last friday(incidentally our 12th anniversary of meeting, which none of us acknowledged).

Only seen W once since then, on sunday for 5 mins collecting girls.

So, the ball is in my court where to go next, lunch, dinner, whatever.

The weird thing is...I'm actually not bothered anymore.
Last year I would have been looking around, trying to find somewhere cool, something great to do but now I just cant muster up the enthusiasm. This is telling , I think.
She clearly is not interested and I dont want to have to sit there and try to impress her, beg for scraps when she knows who I am.

I deserve better.

The other thing is that I've been looking on Match and Zoosk
(as a stalker, lol) and looks like some really cool girls out there.
I havent subscribed so I cant email them but I think I want to although I'm not ready for anything serious. Hanging out, getting a beer, movies with someone interesting and attractive AND who doesnt hate me, lol sounds pretty good right now. I think I'll hold off a few months though.

Anyway, not going to do anything now. Keep NC, dont feel the need to ask W out on a date. If she's interested, she can let me know I guess.

Anyway, excuse the rambling post. Its been a good week mostly.
I'm looking forward to parents coming over in 2 days, exciting stuff!