I didn't mean to upset you or hurt you or make you want to run away. I said what I said , to be honest. Because I am so thankful for when people were honest with me, because it was a true turning point for me. I figure at almost 3 years in, you might be ready for it.
We all have a level attachment, of course. The attachment I am speaking of is where you look for even the slightest clue that she misses you or she is miserable so that maybe she wants to come back. It's normal to care for her, I understand that level of attachment, but the kind you have keeps you tied to her and only hurts you.
As far as DB and "do what works". First, right now what you are doing isn't working for either of you. She is living her own life now. But that's the rub. That's not because of something you did or didn't do. It's her issue. DB gives us the best chances for spouses to recommit to the marriage ONLY if they have done their work and resolved their issues. You really have no power in that. You became a you that you are happy with. There is no magic pill, there is no magic word to say or action to make. She's got to want to get better. Just like any drug addict. The program doesn't work, if you don't work it.
But you. You have control of your side of the street. You can put up that mental stop sign when you begin to read into what a "kissy" face means. You can chose not to look at her bank statement and see if she looked broke enough to want to change. You can not analyze how she looks and if she is telling the truth.
The hard truth is. Right now, she is free to do whatever she pleases. She has emotionally released herself to do what she wants. I know this is hard, I know this hurts, but it is reality.
This isn't to say things might be different down the road. But you are watching, waiting for a pot to boil right now. It's not healthy for you. Right now, the M as you know it is over. What the future brings, you do not know. But in the present, you need to let go.
I see when things get a little real around here, you want to get off the boards. It's a common reaction. But if it stings, it's probably something you should look at.
I am saying this because I care, and because I am thankful who did the same to for me.
