Got drawn into a relationship talk by the W. It was a complete "old-brain" emotionally reactive argument, if you've read Deluca's "The Solo Partner". In hindsight, I did very little validating, except to hear her attacks and attack back . I may have setback things. She made sure to remind me that divorce is still on, and that she has no regrets getting her own place. All of this, because she didn't like what I was going to cook for dinner. I did text her after the argument apologizing for raising my voice, but made sure to not apologize for what I said. I slept maybe three hours that night because it affected me so much. I feel like I've been doing well detaching, as it was the first night of tossing and turning for me in the past month.
I like to try and look at positives in all situations(keeps me sane) and from this:
Hopefully, I gained a little respect from her during the argument, as I felt she was blaming me for the relationship. I made sure to remind her about her EAs and how I felt like she didn't try to make the R work.
She texted me afterwards that she was a terrible wife and is not perfect. I think this shows that she is admitting some fault in the MR, although it's also a reason for her to feel we're not meant to be and that she needs a D.
I expected her to reduce contact with me, but surprisingly she texted and called me more than usual the next day. I tried to be unconditional loving H in our exchanges. I think she may have expected me to continue being attacking and angry H from the night before.
The next day, I saw a face of her old self. She was at the MH and organized the kids's dressers(since I've been doing a bad job), did laundry (including mine), and cooked dinner for the kids. She hasn't done this much in one day for the family since BD2. I do feel, it's possible she feels guilty about the argument we had, and thus this behavior. But, I've been telling myself it doesn't help my behavior towards recon to take things negatively. Also, if her actions are more important than her words over those two days, then maybe I'm ok.
Love is doled out day to day, so going to let that bad day go and hope for more better ones ahead.
. I may have setback things. She made sure to remind me that divorce is still on, and that she has no regrets getting her own place. All of this, because she didn't like what I was going to cook for dinner. I did text her after the argument apologizing for raising my voice, but made sure to not apologize for what I said. I slept maybe three hours that night because it affected me so much. I feel like I've been doing well detaching, as it was the first night of tossing and turning for me in the past month.