Your in-laws offered to loan you money for you to stay in the house? Can't say I've ever heard of an arrangement like that before!
I think my in-laws offered out of guilt. Guilt inspired by my WH's own apparent lack of guilt. I was close to them - lived with them for four years. My culture says we should treat our in-laws as our own parents, and I endeavoured to do that. I don't have any family where I live - my family is continents away, a 13 hour direct flight, and I gave up a great life to join WH here. They are the closest thing I have to a family here and even if they don't treat me the same, I think they recognise I am alone and they feel sorry for me.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Is there a reason you want to stay there?
There are SO many reasons I want to stay in the house. I feel safe there. I have built up a network of friends who live close by who I know I can rely on. Last week my front door jammed and I couldn't get in. I was on the doorstep in the freezing cold with DS wailing. I panicked - I didn't want to call WH and he would take an hour to get there at least. But I knew I could call a good friend who lives minutes away - she got her husband to head straight down to us to kick the door in. Another good friend lives in the very next street - when DS was ill at school and I couldn't get time off work to collect him (yes my boss is that evil), I knew I could call her to pick him up. My next door neighbour has become a good friend - we hang out - watch movies and have dinners together. Stuff like that.
Second, we bought this house as a wreck and remodelled it over a year. I will never be able to afford a remodel again, for anywhere - I have literally built the closest thing to a dream home. It was a year of non-stop renovation - all my free time was spent deciding on tiles, flooring, light fittings, door knobs... Every single decision was made by me - WH was not interested and got stressed out by details. I've built myself into this house.
Third, my in-laws come all the time to visit and stay. They will continue to do so even if I have to move. I am beholden to them anyway - the culture bred into my bones doesn't let me reject them and be comfortable with myself. I don't see it as being on the hook to them. I see them as helping me secure something for my son and getting somewhere to stay that they are comfortable in. I bend over backwards when they visit - I stock the fridge with the favourite foods, prepare meals, take my MiL out... all they do is sit and enjoy being with DS.
This point is closely related to another crucial factor. I don't get to see my parents and friends from home very often. Now DS is in school, I can only visit my home country with him for 3 weeks in the year. So I figure, if I can't go home, then let's get home to come to me. The house is of a comfortable size for my parents to come and stay for a month, maybe two, without feeling cramped. They spent a month with me in November - it was wonderful. My mother is thinking of coming back and staying 3 months with me, with my dad and sister popping in - I would LOVE that. I have had friends from my home country come to stay and I love it, being able to say, I have space, come and hang out! this is super important to me. If I have to sell, to get a space of equivalent size where I live - wouldn't be able to afford it. I would have to leave the area, which makes daily commute to DS school difficult and creates an issue for catchment into secondary school later.
And finally, this was meant to be our legacy for our son. It was meant to be our forever home, and it would have set our son up nicely. It's in a good location, safe neighbourhood. I've worked with WH hard all these years to bring us to this place to secure this for DS. Just because WH's given up on the dream doesn't mean I have.
