Don't want to be a wayward wife ...

[Coconut]

However, you've changed, I see in you similarities to my ex after the ILYBNILWY speech.. I will again say, it doesn't matter to me if you hurt your cheating spouse, but I feel like you've changed.

I wish there was an edit function on this forum, because reading this today, I don't feel like this came across as I meant it.

When I said you've changed and I see similarities to the changes I saw in my ex, I am not meaning to say you are wayward and act like it. What I've felt when reading your last few posts is that your heart has hardened. Personally, I think that is a good thing for a LBS who wants to move on, because no matter how much pain the WS caused, there are still memories of the good times which causes pain when considering moving on. With a WS, I think that hardening comes as a way to keep the guilt out, but unfortunately affects more than just the relationship with their LBS. More than anything, I hope your R with the rest of your family has not been affected, and if it hasn't, then I couldn't be happier for you Blu.

If you were honestly giving 100% to your M, I can't imagine there is much that you've said here that you haven't said to your spouse, but if there was, then I wonder if you were really trying to reconnect.

Ouch, I definitely came across as an a-hole here.. when I read what your husband did, it resonated with me regarding my ex. One of the regrets I can't get out of my head is that after BD, my ex never once had a conversation with me to share how she felt (remember, never ONCE in my entire M did my ex ever say she was unhappy about anything, never a single comment to tell me what she didn't like or what was missing for her in our M).

The only insight I had to how she was feeling was when I put a Voice Recorder in her car for 3 days, when she was talking about how she felt to OM and to one of her friends. I hate that others probably assume that we talked, and that we were not able to work things out in our M. I too would find it unbelievable that someone else's M ended without any conversation about what would be needed to try and save it. So I lashed out with the thought that you walk away without your H having known what could be done to stay together.

But I know that's not what happened. You've shared with us what you have done, the pain you've processed, the conversations you've had, the programs you've gone through just to increase communication between the two of you. I apologize for saying it the way I did.