Job, I ran a report last week; mine is almost 800 and h's is over 800.
And yes, like many of you say, I think he is pushing buttons, picking fights to justify why I am so awful that I deserve this. I can see it, it's just as he did in the beginning. He wants reasons to feel how he does.
Survive - I too read Happy's threads and saw an awful lot of my h there. But the difference is Happy never filed for divorce and he did not have PAs. It is time to really face the gravity of what he's done to our lives and stop excusing it all under that wonderful all encompassing umbrella of MLC. He is taking my kids from me 50% of the time. These are valuable years and I have to give up 50% so he can go to an apartment and grow up all over again.
No, I'll be honing in on making my own happiness, for me and my kids. As my L told me (with exasperation): "you better stop focusing on him. Because the more you focus on him the less you focus on you and your own kids." Exactly what we're told here.
Recently I read TXHubby's threads and really understood that for many, they just don't want to r. It's arduous. After 2 - 3 more years of this and then a few more years of depression/acceptance he'll be coming in on 10 hrs. On several occasions, I have seen the very little boy, 6 or 7 years old. I think that makes sense for him based on the level of emotional stunting that happened to him.
And let's say he makes it through all that. Then there is recovery from the OW he will have. And while I understand the psychology of that, it doesn't mean I want that written into my life story. And best of all? There will always be the wonder that maybe, just maybe, he didn't full complete and that glitch will cause this all to repeat. And will I always be looking over my shoulder for signs of that?
This whole thing is like March of the Penguins.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
