Hi Huddy , I've just read your post and your pain is very clear. Being on here does help i believe but it can also feel like the advice we get isnt helpful. I suppose it's a leap of faith in many ways and it's your choice to do so or not. As regards NC, that means no contact, if its re the kids fine but nothing other than that. It doesnt mean be disrespectful or nasty but explain to W that she isnt to contact you about her problems.
Your obviously a decent man and you want your family back as it was, do you honestly see that as possible in the short to medium term. I mean no disrespect, i dont know your W, only what you have posted on here but she's living her life for her and you are not included unless it suits her. You deserve better Huddy, the success stories on here are few and even then the LBS has nearly always let go of the outcome.
If you want to stand all power to you but W cannot see you standing because it gives her options that you are plan b,c,d or whatever. That's not attractive to anyone. Your life is the only one you get , live the thing to the full, stand but don't stand still.
We all came here looking for the answer, and its here but its
not the simple step by step guide we all hoped for. It's a guide to acceptance and understanding what is and moving forward. The R with your W is gone , maybe a new R can be achieved but the old one is gone. I was where you are and looked for signs or hope and it was there sometimes but one day I decided i deserved better than who she had become and I'm lucky in that i could fake it until I made it and it worked.
I understand we are all different and deal with things in our way but we need a road map to help. This site offers it but it takes time. I remember reading that MLC can last 5 to 7 years and it was heart breaking but unfortunately its true so using that yardstick you have a long way to go just to see if she comes out of it.
If you have stayed awake to read this far (!!) then well done mate.
Obvioulsy do what's right for you but maybe step back and really look at who W is now and see how you feel. You don't want to date right now but there are alot of lovely ladies that would really appreciate a genuine person like yourself in their lives, just saying
