I can't say what your H's motivation is, but I know when I snooped on my W after BD it was because I was trying to find answers and gain some insight. I can completely understand why you feel violated, it is a breach of trust. But ashamedly I admit I could see myself having done the same just to try and understand what my XW was thinking and going through.
Your journaling has been insightful because 1) it has helped me to understand what my XW may have been thinking and feeling and 2) I went through some of the same experiences as you as far as fighting for my M initially and then later questioning what I was fighting for and if it was worth it. I hope you can find your way back here under a more anonymous handle so you can continue giving counseling to others, but regardless I wish you the best in whatever you do!
