Well, Gordie, I think that might mean something different to the individual. So, I can only tell you what it means to me, to always love my exh. It means that I love the man he was, the good times we had, and respect those memories enough to make sure I behave in a civilized manner, for myself as much as for our son and even exh.
If anyone is going to cheapen what we had, it won't be me.
I look at this man I was married to and my heart no longer flutters in my chest; I no longer catch my breath. I no longer feel the way most people feel when they are "in love." I wonder often what happened to that feeling. The answer I've come up with is that a person can only take so much. Gottman calls it withdrawals from the love bank, I think. Well he is so far into over-draft that the bank is closed.
Now when I look at him it's a fondness, a warmth that only goes so far, but doesn't permeate the wall that I've put up which separates us. I bear him no malice. I wish him well and loving kindness. If I can help him without harming myself I will do what I can.
It behooves me to point out that I do not have an affair partner in my face, paraded around in front of my son. I suspect I would not be so magnanimous in that circumstance. Rather my formidable claws would likely be out and I'd be going for the juggler, I fear or perhaps lower on the body
You're still in the thick of things Gordie. Leave all this for later sorting out - focus on the move and the kids and yourself right now.
You will figure this out when you're supposed to.
xoxoxoxo
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
or perhaps lower on the body 