The rumination is strong with this one. Rough weekend.
In the past few weeks, I've been confronted with info from various sources, not only about XH's ongoing behavior with Bubbles, but some pretty d*mning evidence of at least eyebrow raising behavior from clear back to 2009. The first conference he banned me from because I "ruined his vacation" to Hawaii by confronting him about focusing on Bubbles? The one he booked for his co-workers (he didn't have his own office yet) to Hawaii 3 months later? I was told that he shared a suite with Bubbles...a two bedroom one that, when staff members confronted her about how inappropriate that was, she told them I was fine with it (I didn't know). This culminated in a talk last night with D25 who then asked me about a cooler she and D27 found in 2012 hidden in our shop. They assumed it was for some sort of romantic getaway for us, but were suspicious that maybe it was hidden because...maybe it was not for me. They had suspected something was going on since about the time I did. But, like me, didn't want to believe it. Now they do. After my confirming that what they found wasn't anything I knew about, D25 had a talk with D27, who called me. It may be wrong to involve children, but they are adults and they had their suspicions. He has repeatedly tried have them participate in activities with her and her family. Now, if she was unmarried and they were having an outed relationship publicly as a couple, I'd have to accept it. But she still is married. And I am the mother of two girls. I have a right as their mother to be unaccepting of that relationship and to point out that it is an ongoing wrong that should not be accepted...by anyone.
They can and should spend time with their dad. I reiterated that. But I let them know...spending time with them both while they are carrying on an affair is not only painful to me, but is participating in the dishonesty that is harming her (maybe clueless) husband and family, and condoning the wrong by accepting it. They agreed. Parenting NEVER stops. There may be those that disagree with this level of involving my kids, but this is different than talking trash about their father. And if it was vindication and revenge I wanted, I'd be sending her husband, friends, and families (as well as XH's)letters with what I know (facts and not gossip).
So, all signs point to a physical relationship. Not that that is worse than an emotional affair, but it means I'm not crazy and that his denial is at a whole 'nother depth of lying. It explains a lot of behavior that was confusing, as well as some of the things that he said that didn't make sense that now do. I no longer believe his story that he stayed alone after his conference where Bubbles and he stayed after to ski...the one on our 24th anniversary. When confronted with evidence (recepts) of spending time and large amounts of money on her that weekend without telling me, he knew he was caught in what the receipts proved, but denied staying with her or that anything "happened". If he could stay in a suite with with her in 2009 with his staff knowing about it, what would keep him from staying in a room together in 2014 when NOBODY was with them?
The bubble (no pun) has popped. Is my door still cracked open? I honestly can't answer that anymore. I looked at some pictures last night. I suddenly don't find him attractive, at all. I no longer miss his voice...or his touch. I see his actions that confused me as cruel. I remember, when he was at the Hawaii conference he sent me a picture of a mimosa, labeled "breakfast on the lanai (balconey)". They were sharing that suite. I saw it as clueless to rub the fact that he was there and I wasn't allowed to go in my face with that. Now I see it as cruelly smug. I received similar pictures from the Vegas and Utah conferences. I see him taking that picture with her there and him knowing that he was getting away with an affair...who does that? Who takes it to that next level?
He does. There is more wrong with the father of my children than I could have ever imagined. My kindness will go on...I believe in it. But I will no longer puzzle over the behavior. I'll still post updates...its all a process and others can use the info. But, man...the depths...I'm literally laying on my board and not paddling, right now. Just drifting til I wash ashore...
