New LBS dealing with WW (Part 5)

[Joe2017]

Last thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2775339&page=1

In the last thread, Surfer asked how I was doing over the weekend and several people showed support for my idea of moving out of the MH.

My weekend was rough. WW made the situation very awkward, while blaming me for making it that way. Yesterday I went out for the afternoon and made sure that I got chinese delivery to show up at home while I was out at dinner. I let WW know there was plenty for everyone including S14. I ended up getting accosted by WW because she did not know where I was and S16 could not tell her.

She said I was not communicating with her regarding my schedule and location, blah blah blah, called me selfish, blah blah blah. S14 didn't want to eat the food and then WW blamed me for him not eating.

I simply responded that I will not argue and went about my afternoon.

But I tell you all what... Being alone is killing me. It's so devastating to me that I feel like I need to get back on the dating scene even though I know I shouldn't do the rebound relationship thing.

I have done a lot of introspection to try to determine if I'm codependent. I guess maybe there is a small amount? Maybe that's normal in any marriage to a degree. Yeah I know I'm not alone, but you all get what I mean. That missing piece of my heart that can't be filled by any other part of my life because those parts already have their own places in my heart.

Oh well. Thanks to everyone for checking on me. My life will get better, but I still have to take things one day at a time. I'm obviously GALing and my 180s have been consistent.

I think I need to walk away at this point. I think I need to, because I don't want to be married to her anymore. My marriage is already over. This is one of the last steps I have to being emotionally divorced. I think I have to move on physically for this to work.

I'm just done. I'm done with the lies. I'm done with the gaslighting. I'm done with the projected guilt. I'm done with being the whipping post. I'm done with watching my kids hurt. I'm done with the conflict. I'm done with the stress.

I can't control her but I can control what I do going forward.

[MoveFrwd]

Being alone is killing me.

I have done a lot of introspection to try to determine if I'm codependent. I guess maybe there is a small amount?

What is your issue with being alone? What is it about that which is killing you? Why do you think that another woman is what is needed? My recommendation would be to fill this time by making new friends - I dont think you are in any place to have a healthy relationship with a woman at this point.

[Ginger1]

There is most certainly a level of codependency in a relationship. There is a healthy level, and an unhealthy level.

Why is being alone killing you? That's a bit of a problem. WHat does "being alone" mean?

I don't think you want to fall into the trap of another unhealthy relationship for the sake of not being "alone"

[Joe2017]

I know I'm not in a good place for a relationship. I know a rebound is a bad idea. I'm trying to make new friends and reconnect with old friends. It's not the same feeling, but I am doing those things.

I know I can't rush anything right now. It frustrates me because my feelings are one of the few things I have some control over, yet I cannot change the speed at which the emotional shifts happen.

I don't really want a rebound relationship. It will leave me feeling even worse in the long run. I just need a healthy way to fix this problem.

Headed to the gym now. Thanks everyone.

[LH19]

I just need a healthy way to fix this problem.

It's called time, distance and self-care.

[Joe2017]

It's called time, distance and self-care.

Yeah, that's the thing. The time. I can't rush but I want to. I am so desperate for my heart to heal. The wounds are still very fresh, and I want it to end. The pain won't go away with D. Or recon for that matter. Time is the only answer.

[AnotherStander]

I simply responded that I will not argue and went about my afternoon.

Excellent!

Being alone is killing me.

Quoted for reference to the below:

I have done a lot of introspection to try to determine if I'm codependent. I guess maybe there is a small amount? Maybe that's normal in any marriage to a degree.

If being alone is killing you, then you are very codependent. And yes, it is quite normal in a marriage. The longer the M, the more codependent you become. I suspect if we knew BD was in our future we would all be a hell of a lot less codependent in M, which ironically might have saved many of our M's. Anyway a large part of DB'ing is breaking the bonds of codependence and finding out who Joe really is, what makes Joe tick, and how Joe can find happiness without depending on others to feed it to him. You'll get there, it just takes some (here comes that bad word) time.

Yeah I know I'm not alone, but you all get what I mean. That missing piece of my heart that can't be filled by any other part of my life because those parts already have their own places in my heart.

It hurts, no question about it. And there's more hurt where that came from. And then some more. But you'll toughen up, raise your walls, protect yourself and the hurt will hurt you a little less each time. Eventually you'll drop the rope, break the bonds and free yourself. You'll become Independent Joe. It's something to look forward to!

[Joe2017]

That's the worst part, without a doubt. The waiting.

I'm trying to find happiness. It's just not that easy at this stage in the game. Time is a commodity I don't feel I have enough of these days.

[Gordie]

Joe,

I never wanted to leave MH and if so, only after the D was final. But I have gotten to a point where I can no longer cohabitate with my stbx and maintain my sanity. Only you know where you are but know that you have the power to make your own decision. I get feeling lonely but find ways to enjoy this time without a romantic partner. Are there things you’ve always wanted to do or try but your stbx just wasn’t interested? Write that list and start checking things off. She hates action movies and you love them? She hates golf and you never had the time?

[Joe2017]

Yeah. The other day she gaslighted me by manipulating S14. That was a real eye opener. The selfishness of the WW is ridiculously cruel.

Earlier she wanted to have an R talk. It went about as expected, yet I left the door open for her. I did NOT make any statements that would be considered pursuit. She changed subjects when the responsibility for the state of our MR was clearly on her. I shut down the conversation when she turned it argumentative.

I am still walking away from the MH. It's pretty freaking sad, but I feel that it is necessary.