In the last thread, Surfer asked how I was doing over the weekend and several people showed support for my idea of moving out of the MH.
My weekend was rough. WW made the situation very awkward, while blaming me for making it that way. Yesterday I went out for the afternoon and made sure that I got chinese delivery to show up at home while I was out at dinner. I let WW know there was plenty for everyone including S14. I ended up getting accosted by WW because she did not know where I was and S16 could not tell her.
She said I was not communicating with her regarding my schedule and location, blah blah blah, called me selfish, blah blah blah. S14 didn't want to eat the food and then WW blamed me for him not eating.
I simply responded that I will not argue and went about my afternoon.
But I tell you all what... Being alone is killing me. It's so devastating to me that I feel like I need to get back on the dating scene even though I know I shouldn't do the rebound relationship thing.
I have done a lot of introspection to try to determine if I'm codependent. I guess maybe there is a small amount? Maybe that's normal in any marriage to a degree. Yeah I know I'm not alone, but you all get what I mean. That missing piece of my heart that can't be filled by any other part of my life because those parts already have their own places in my heart.
Oh well. Thanks to everyone for checking on me. My life will get better, but I still have to take things one day at a time. I'm obviously GALing and my 180s have been consistent.
I think I need to walk away at this point. I think I need to, because I don't want to be married to her anymore. My marriage is already over. This is one of the last steps I have to being emotionally divorced. I think I have to move on physically for this to work.
I'm just done. I'm done with the lies. I'm done with the gaslighting. I'm done with the projected guilt. I'm done with being the whipping post. I'm done with watching my kids hurt. I'm done with the conflict. I'm done with the stress.
I can't control her but I can control what I do going forward.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
