And still struggling

[Jim1234]

In the end, I worked with WAW,and did what most of you suggested. I made sure she completed a large number of late assignments before I let her go, reached an understanding before she left where she would catch up on the rest of the assignments today, tomorrow (Sunday and she has Monday off from school, so she can spend all day doing homework), and the rest of this week. I updated WAW and her schoolteachers of what she has completed and what she is working on, so I'm pretty sure that if WAW follows thru this week while she has the kids, D16 will be back on track. In the last two days, she's completed a lot of the missed assignments, but still has a lot to do.

When we realized D16 was having problems before Christmas, we arranged for her to see a counsellor twice before the year ended. Kids have been with WAW since, and she hasn't had any more sessions. After I realized how badly D16 was doing in school, I talked to WAW. She made an appointment with the counsellor, and I took D16 today. WAW spent quite a bit of time on the phone talking to counsellor when she made the appointment, and apparently learned quite a bit. She'll tell me when we have an opportunity.

I was very calm throughout the discussion, validated her feelings, asked for her input. We talked a lot about how hard the divorce was from her perspective, and what I could do to make it easier.

She explicitly said it was hard not having a schedule, knowing where they would be spending each night. (WAW and I both travel extensively. Our custody basically says when I'm working, she gets the kids, and vice versa.) WAW and I coordinate our schedules, but haven't really shared them with the kids. Now that I know, I drew up a calendar for January, and diagrammed when we would each be travelling, and where the kids would be each night. We'll see how that works out.