This type of abuse is so so so damaging. I am sorry that you are dealing with the after affects. I think marital abuse is especially hard because we trusted. And then it becomes hard to trust because we trusted wrong. Like we failed to protect and preserve our self. And its dangerous to trust our judgement.
At some level we failed at recognizing deceit and that is scary. As a result we were hurt.
The one thing I do see in your writings is that while you recognize the verbal insults and abuse your ex threw out at you, I am not sure that you recognize the verbal insults you seem to throw at yourself. (thinning hair, your weight) I do this too. But I think this might be a better resolution. Instead of focusing on the weight, to speak nicer to ourselves regardless of not being perfect. Seriously, if I never met you I would never have believed you to be the stunning and youthful woman you really are, based on the way you write about yourself...So what is your inner self picking up?
