Calling HaWho

[mleigh4]

HW, I am very late to the new news, I am so sorry I wasn't on the boards this week. Well, wow, I have to say I did not see this coming. Not from him anyway.

Ok, so here we go. As I was reading through the threads, I wanted to shout out answers to you! I am so happy you had your consult and was set straight on the true steps of the D process. Your H is being a real jerk with his scare tactics and threats. Now that you have the facts, you can see you have some time on your side. Also remember, it's all negotiable, so don't rush any decisions.

I'm sorry you have to continue living with crazy for a bit. You will be amazed when he leaves, how your home will become a safe, calm, peaceful haven for you and the boys.

As for your sons, that's the toughest part of all of this. My S was 6 when BD hit. At first, it was a bit hairy, with stomach aches and S not wanting to be away from me, not wanting to go with his dad. H was at least willing to not push S too much in the beginning, by letting him stay with me if there was a meltdown. Over time, S adjusted. To this day, he still dislikes going to his dad's, and dislikes him in our quiet peaceful home. When he voices it, I agree with him, it's a real crappy situation and not what I ever wanted for him. HW, I am honest with my S, without badmouthing H. I validate his feelings and let him know I hate it as much as he does.

However, I also remind him how lucky he is, to have a dad who loves him very much, who just enjoys spending time with him. I know, in the long run, this time with his dad, and the fact I support and encourage it, will mean a lot to S some day.

When it came to telling S about our separation, I was also honest in telling him it's not what I want, but we need to make the best of it and will get through it as a family. I have to say, we have done just that.

Kids are smart, and I'm sure your sons know what is really going on around them. I know you will continue to be their rock. I just believe being honest without blame is a good thing.

HW we are all here for you.
M