Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 12, D on hold

[J5K]

Hi Sara,

Everyone posting wants the same thing, happiness with a spouse. I think that even the WAS wants that, albeit their perspective is always much different than the LBS.

I wanted to say that I admire you for lasting this long and continue to support the DB efforts.

It has been two years now that my xW has left the boys and me. I would like to share some things that maybe others have not. Since my D was final I have travelled down somewhat of a dark road and have finally gotten to a point where I feel confident with who I am.

I have also found that there are a lot of families that may not follow the traditional societal norm. The obvious norm is that the H and W work things out and stay together or the other is to D. Although everyone would prefer the former vs. the latter, I learned that there is a minority of families that have chosen another option, open marriage.

I am not suggesting that anyone choose this option but it is an alternative. Does it last for the sake of the kids? I have heard stories from friends where the parents stayed together yet lived separate social lives until their children became adults. They were able to balance family life yet found a way to meet their needs separately with others.

I have also heard situations where this has failed after a few years and the spouses ultimately divorced.

No matter how perfect in the DB process the LBS is, if the WAS’s perspective of the LBS is that they are flawed or that the WAS feels they are unhappy in the M, the chance for success in saving the M is low.

Forget what your H is doing or not doing. Continue to focus on you and get what you want out of life while still being kind and loving to your children and the loved ones around you.

I have learned a lot from my boys this past year. They are strong boys and all they want to know is they are loved, no matter if xW is around or not. For me, I find happiness in their smiles. I GAL every so often for me. I have and continue to get help for them and myself so that the six of us can be mentally and emotionally strong. This is my family now and I would not give up the bond I am developing with them for anything.

Would I prefer it to be different, yes, but I will try my best to be have us be the best family we can be. Our bonus would be having a female in our lives to share our experiences.

Map out YOUR plan Sara and you will succeed for yourself and your children.