Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Sandi2
Omg I been reading his stitch I feel like I am reading my life story before my eyes the way his W is with him, literally W is the same way as long I agreed with everything W was happy if I didn't hell will break. I can relate to Jim story same story we adopted our last 2 over a year ago but had S8 and D8 for 6yrs W says she been unhappy for over 3yrs I ask the same question why adopt other two I could have adopted on my own why see the kids hurt. Smh I wish I knew Jim I would drive to Michigan I am in Illinois I admire his strength. I been ask from friends where do I get my strength and the only way I can truly could answer is God has never failed me and I know he ain't going to fail me now when I need him more than ever.

Journaling,
My emotions are back since court first is how am I going act seeing S9 and seeing W after almost 2months. S9 and d8 are up to date as much they need to know in there age they know this is my battle not there's there job is to just be kids but they know S9 will come next weekend they where upset that he will not be living with us for good I explain as much they should know that our lawyers are making sure he will come home permanently, but I had to also explain the following week they go with W, D9 storm off crying saying Please No and S8 cried to I had to be strong and explain that they do get to call me in the morning and before bed. They voiced why W doesn't want them she yells it to them. I explained that lawyers know this and they are trying to make sure everyone is happy. I told them lets give W one more try. Let her proof to you that mommy loves you. D9 says she doesn't she told you she told us and only yells at us. I explained we need to trust God and held them. My bf seen me holding my tears back. My bf signal to go to bathroom. I did and cried for over 30min just screaming in a towel. I feel like am failing my last two kids they do have a point she made it clear she doesn't want them. But we all know until we do a Litem for children only the court could rule in future if kids are better off without W. For now I keep taking them to therapy every week, I go twice a week and keep showing them I LOVE them so much they are literally my strength and my air. My 3 kids have made me a better person, I have never thought once life without them. I am realizing alot of things lately and one of them is I force W to be a mom, W only wanted to party,drink and travel which is not surprising W loved the military life. I regret pushing to have kids because I knew I always wanted to be a mom and still want to adopt more once everything settles with my stitch. I know I could have a full house of kids and it doesn't bother me. I remember the same thing Jim wrote everything in my home had to be quiet my kids where not allowed to be kids or get dirty where I always say let them be kids who cares if they get mud all over. I still remember W stare of death and W always saying am worse then them. Lol now I laugh. I wish W could see that these kids are a blessing from God. We will keep praying for W, one day God will lead her back to the kids.